I am finally letting go...

Hello Well-wishers!

I have been going through a lot in the last couple of days... It's been interesting. Before I explain what's been going on... I am currently making an appeal to my family. Actually, I am not communicating with my parents because I am sick and tired of the way they talk to each other. I am withdrawing communications with them for now...and even though today is my birthday and so is my mom's...I am standing strong on my actions. It's been a hard lesson to learn but I finally got the idea of not caring so much.

My dad is complete mute, arrogant, emotion-less expressing and completely rude and self-righteous. My mom is a good natured women but a people pleaser, tendency to over dramaticize everything, and complain thus spilling out negativity. I am reminded to have compassion for my parents but this is so incredibly hard... Especially when I believe that human beings need to be constantly evolving. So, I don't understand why people don't work out their issues and try to heal and grow and become a better person. I just don't understand this concept. I know it might sound naive but I am a very hopeful person. I always believe that if anything, I can have at least an impact on my parents...to guide them to new ways of thinking. But the last day and so, instead of being quiet about it, I spoke up and I was very forceful and demanding for an explanation for why this is. Why am I in such a polarized family? How can someone be so cold? How am I suppose to help my parents evolve when one of them is so absolutely cannot beared to be around. And how do I deal with a mom who consistently take the blame for herself and demand that she is the root of all these issues.. so we have one parent who takes the blame and the other who blames everyone else but themselves. It is so hard to get into their frequencies because each time I try I have to try to get to them but I can't. It upsets me and makes me feel powerless because innately I know they have chosen their personas...however still I believe in parallel realities. This sense of alienation in my family has always been felt... they really don't understand where I come from and I really don't understand where they come from. It's like I deliberately chose this family to learn about differences, polarities, and two opposite extremes. Almost like a war... my goodness. How can such things exists...? But they do.

I have never felt betrayal in my life but yesterday was the first time. I am transforming it as an observation of my life and I will not carry those resentments but I finally felt what human beings feel when they feel that way. It is not a nice feeling to have and you certainly don't expect it to come from your family. Truly, there are a copious amount of miscommunications and I am tired of it. I don't want to come back next life time to deal with it either. It is life draining and completely a reality that I get. That's just who they are. I cannot change who they are and they will never be able to change who I am. I just absolutely don't get my parents. I have compassion but I don't understand my dad.

For now I am making to a statement to the universe. I no longer want to be responsible for his ascension and higher self growth. I don't know how to do it in this physical reality. I'm sure there are a million ways but right now I don't feel there is anything that I can do. I need to let it go and stop judging it for what it is. All I can express for him is compassion... because I know he had a tough life. And all I can do also is to connect with his higher self. I can not at this point access his physical self unless by some kind of divine intervention from his higher self, souls, and guardian angels that he wants to explore that concept of letting go and being able to express himself. I do not want to bear the responsibility of helping him evolve. I feel that I personally take too much emotional care for my parents and I cannot handle it anymore. I realized that I started feeling 'guilty' for not being able to help my parents but I cannot let that over take my ability to be compassionate. At some point in adult life, I have to let it go. I also do not want to come back and have to deal with this again. I know everyone has dysfunction in their family... and I didn't realized how much I went through also. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction and I pray that I can relinquish and overcome all my fears. I pray for my parents and for their ability to learn to cooperate, love, and be able to work with one another. Everyone wants the best for their parents.. in fact I don't even care for their approval or support. I don't. I don't need it. I fulfill and nourish my own soul because I can't depend on anyone but myself to make myself feel better. I don't know what's going to happen next... I know my brother and boyfriend supports me. Well, I certainly support myself. If they think I have caused a rift in their family, then hopefully one day they will know my intentions. I always come from good intentions and yes, I admit I like to shake things up when there is no change. I am not afraid to speak my voice and each day I feel like I am becoming more empowered. No longer will I be okay with old ways of thinking. This is not how I envision my reality to be. I have to realize that in this life journey, I cannot force my parents to be in a certain way. As much as I want a happy family, it's all an illusion. Real families have issues and I am no longer afraid to let the world know. I am not afraid to break through the barriers of anonymity and suffering behind closed doors. Feelings are important and I never learned how to fully express myself. With a mute and arrogant father, I didn't learn anything from him except to not be like him. And with a mother who always asserted her righteousness but in a more positive way and wanting to please other people...I too learned that if others are happy around me then I would be happy. But if others were not, then something is wrong with me. When there is absolutely nothing NOTHING wrong with me.

I was thinking how hard this journey through life is... and before you judge me and say oh there's other people who have been through worse. Well yes, there are. Hence, I am very thankful and appreciative always. I truly am but sometimes I just gotta vent.

A few things I have learned from this scenario...

• I have to get my life and shit together. 
• I have to let go of trying to control my parents even if it is from very good intentions. 
• I have to focus on myself. 
• I have to persevere and have the courage to be myself.
• I am no longer responsible for my parents and especially my dad's direct spiritual growth. I do not want to bare the burden of it anymore. I give back the responsibility to God and let the universe assist him. I just can't... it just tears me apart me seeing that we are so disillusioned here but this is why we are here to learn. I cannot be responsible for my parents. I just have to let it go before I become like them. 
• I will overcome my own issues and do the best I can to be me. 

There's one thing that my dad said which rung true: "Don't be like me!" Yup, he's right. He's so hurt that he cannot even put together what the pain was. I have a lot of compassion for what has happened to him... trust me I do. But, we have to evolve as human beings and it's time to garner that power of expression. If we cannot express and fully be ourselves, then we cannot be the best that we can be. Our potentiality is infinite... and our higher selves know that. I wish their higher selves would connect with them and I am sending my angels to their way. I believe in the power of prayer and maybe that's all I can do...

I am reminded by this quote...

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" - Gandhi

Well, instead of gently shaking ... I shook everyone up! Whoops... I got learn from the ET and our space friends. Non-interference. Boy, I just like to dip my nose in everything! Haha...

Thanks for reading! Sending everyone out there prayers...

Oh it's my birthday today and now I am going to go out! I'm not going to let my parents relationships ruin my life.