Feeling so blessed... :)

A lot has happened since my birthday update aka last post...

I recall that day being super emotional and dramatic. However, my day did end so much better!

My boyfriend surprised me with a birthday party!

Instantly, it threw me back to a few years ago (when I was going through depression) and how dreadful I felt at that surprise birthday party because I had been hiding my depression and I had not talked to many of the people there so it was awkward talking to my own friends.

Thankfully, this time around... I have spoken to most of the people there so I felt a sense of relief and I was able to enjoy the party for once! I usually have a panic attack or feel anxious... but I am handling things well (meaning I'm more comfortable in my own skin even around my friends)!

But... truthfully I never realized how blessed I was. I know that I am very lucky to live in North America, to have a solid education, and to have parents who worked really hard to do the best they could for me. But, I never really thought of having a lot of friends...

I'll back that up... it's because I was really traumatized after going through depression and to what I believe losing friends. I had learned how to shelter myself from being around girlfriends and I really didn't know how to explain my depression. I just pushed everyone away because I wanted to figure it out myself and at the same time I didn't want to talk about my issues. So, I know now that I cannot live that way for the rest of my life... because I would really miss out the part of having and maintaining relationships which is a journey that I am here to also learn about. Hence, I was really surprised to see almost all of my friends there and I just didn't think that I had so many. I'm thankful that my boyfriend has been very receptive of which friends I have been keeping in touch with and I thank him for always encouraging me to go out and mingle.

So... I had a wonderful birthday! We made pizza and I got to see them all in one room instead of all of them separately. Although some of my friends are new and some of the old are not there... I am so thankful for the ones that have stuck around! Truthfully, I do not need drama in my life and I am content with my new found being. Drama - Free! I have no patience for that... to be honest!

And then... since I have not really received gifts from friends for like years now. I got presents! What? I was so surprised...shocked...and almost felt guilty for receiving presents. Like for me? Really? Why would you spend money on me? Especially since I rarely gave out parents...which now I really am rethinking that. I received so many presents that it overwhelmed me. How did I deserve all this? I wasn't sure...but I was so in appreciation.

Then the next week, I just had so many blessed moments. I really want to record them all to remind myself how thankful I am...

The week after my birthday, I challenged myself to go to a women's networking event. I have never in my life done this before but I realized that I have to put myself out there and to surround myself with different people. I want to learn how to be a better networker, communicator, and entrepreneur. I had an awesome time and I met a few very unique, smart, and inspiring women whom I have already connected with. :)

Then I had an amazing day trip with a close girlfriend. We had so much fun shopping, eating, and more shopping! The day flowed so well and we had a blast. We went with the flow and everything came out perfectly. It was a perfect day. How lucky are we?

After, my boyfriend taught me how to skate. I decided to stay positive, overcome my fears, revert from my self defeating thoughts and try my best! I have to say, he is an awesome teacher and I am so thankful that he is teaching so many children how to skate. His gentle guidance really helped me and I figured out how to cross over while skating in one lesson!

Then I met up with another really close girlfriend for afternoon tea, which was so nice to catch up and talk and reminisce about our lives... then a dinner date with two of my other really good friends.

I have to say, these ladies are the ones who have been very accepting of my depression and life's challenges... I am so thankful!

So a lot more wonderful things started to happen... and I just felt so blissful. But I kind of got off track and here is the main reason for my post.

I realized that in the last two weeks, I received a lot of free things. The idea just popped into my mind... I just feel so "WOW" and "OMG" out... well maybe because it's birthday week! Who knows...

This is NOT TO BRAG! I am writing it down for MYSELF ONLY but am sharing it with others so that they too can benefit from what I have been working on.

Lately, I have been praying for courage. I started this mantra in the beginning of March. I only had a few breakdowns this year but for March, I wanted to feel different. I wanted to be courageous. I wanted to let go of fears... I wanted to be truly me or be closer to expressing who I really am. Hence, I set out the intentions of courageousness. So it began with a thought... then I transferred all those quotes that I had mentioned in my previous blog post onto picture frames and I placed them around my bedroom so that I can be reminded of what state of being I wanted to be in... Then the next part was to trust that things will unfold. I think this part is the hardest at first because I often doubt myself but I thought having courage would be something that I can handle because it is a mental thought and feeling. So, with this mentality in mind... I finally put myself out there and a lot more than what I have done in the last 2-3 years.

1. I got an interview (but did not get a position).

2. I successful bartered coaching lessons in exchange for my musical services.

3. I expanded my musical service teaching hours without much effort. *Hindsight* I am still praying for more courage to put myself out there...

4. I have been keeping in touch with important people around me. However, today I am feeling slightly overwhelmed so I have held back. But I am praying for 'courage' once again and for forgiveness.

5. I volunteered at two networking events... 2 to be exact!

5. Things I received for free within the last two weeks (due to birthday):
- Mac products
- gorgeous YSL lipstick
- beautiful kate spade earrings 
- beautiful handmade stacked rings
- green tea and candles
- scarf 

6. Other things I realized that I manifested in the last week...which are essentially FREE
- $1300.00 check
- yummy cream puffs which I was thinking of the other day... 
- a box of free teaching materials 
- terrarium 
- music teaching materials 
- makeup from Sephora
- coaching and mentoring advice 

Hmm... so I just wanted to say that life is happening right now.

Somethings just popped into my mind.

Be Humble.

Feel confident from within. Almost like... chant it quietly, calmly, and confidently to yourself.

Live in the now.

Technology rocks. Upgrade if you can.

Always be willing to grow, change, and find your true self. Never be afraid of change for it is the only thing constant.

Emotions... pent up emotions will manifest in disease and illness. After my blowout with my parents, I succumbed to pink eye and strep throat. Spiritually, it means I have a lot of anger and I did. Well, so I am thankful for the experience and I am now letting it go.

I guess an update... while I have been ignoring my dad, I have spoken to my mom because it was her birthday and I gave her a present. She proceeded to tell me that her and dad are working things out and they are getting better. I responded with... I don't care it's none of my business. It's true. It is not. And they have stopped arguing and complaining... which is nice for a change. Anytime it occurs again, I will remind myself to walk out of the house. They say, if you can't change other people then you must change yourself. I have. I have decided to let go of their relationship issues and my guilt for not being able to help. However, I will always speak up my truth and I no longer will hold back. I do not feel shameful for being an emotional being. I do have compassion, and I am reminded to act with grace. However, I also like to stir things up but from a love point of view. Forget about saving face! Just be you. Just be you. Change your circumstances if you are not happy or change your attitude. Choose both and you will be shifting to another reality much quicker. Do not expect after that you have changed that other people will. Do not expect anything from anyone.

I was thinking back...wow how did I deserve so many wonderful things in the last two weeks and I realized that I have the potential to give more. Maybe because I am volunteering a lot... although I don't really call it volunteering.. I just do what I like to do.

Anyways, I am so thankful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.