Just going to free flow and write...

Hello Well-wishers,

My mind is filled with mixed emotions. I am noticing that I wrote mind instead of heart... Hm... It is a daily challenge and I just want to say that it is hard. What's hard? Starting up two passionate careers of mine at the same time and growing it. I feel like I birth twins and I have a lot of mixed emotional feelings. I guess I want to sort them out.

1. It's friggin' difficult and challenging.

The beginning will always be hard. I am aware of the fruits of labour... yet this time it is different. Why? Because my destiny is fully in my hands. I do not have a pay check to fall upon and for the first time in my life... I realized that I just become self-employed. The words self-employed and entrepreneur are still slightly foreign in my reality. Have I really made a claim to the world that I am worthy of my own future? Have I made a claim to the world that I am now responsible for my own future. These thoughts are nerve racking but I am humbled and thankful. It's friggin' challenging because there is a lot to do and more than I can ever imagine. I just want to I guess vent a bit... it's a lot of work but it's worth it because I am doing what I love. But, it's a lot of work and I put my heart into everything. I know I can handle challenges... going through depression, rejection, and all that stuff makes me appreciate my own existence and others who are able to overcome and thrive.

2. Following your passion and Bashar's passion principal.

If you were to ask me this question, are you following your passion? My answer will be, "yes". Last year I made a promise to myself that I would follow my passions. No matter how difficult or how unknown it may be, I told myself that I would live out my excitement. I want to cry at this thought because I am still human and I still waiver from time to time. What if I just find a job? Be like everyone else? Work it up? Prove myself to others...? But when I am at my lowest, I manage to dig myself out of my hole and remember what my boyfriend told me and that is to appreciate everything that I have, to acknowledge how far I have come, and to be thankful that you can perceive the ability to do this. I sometimes wonder, is this the right thing to do? Will it support me? I know deep down that the universe will support any of my endeavours but do I fully believe in myself? I believe I do but sometimes the doubts and urgency creep in. Then I wonder whose timeline am I following? Is it the end of the world if things don't work out? It's not. Then I remember all the human beings and animals around the world who are suffering... and I know that I am in a privileged place. I feel emotional because I believe in myself wholeheartedly but everything takes time and I know I can do it. Can you imagine that this is how my thoughts work all day? It's been 10 minutes and I have already felt all these emotions. Maybe this is part of a life of a multi-passionate entrepreneur... it's up and down and twisty and windy and just all over your face. I just want to be an example of what my philosophy of life is. How am I an effective teacher if I am only a preacher? To me, a fulfilled life is one where you live your truths and you share your gifts with the world.

3. Shifting Shift Shift Shift

All of my changes in my reality has been because of one major thing that I have been practising. Do you know what this is? Shifting. I will be honest. I sometimes linger longer on certain feelings... not sure why but I guess to feel it out and to experience it. But I know the general rule is to shift into the frequency and vibration that I prefer. How? Begin by altering some muscles in your body... this could be breathing, smiling, walking, or some sort of physical movement. Maybe it's connecting with someone, hugging, or sleeping. As you hold on this kind of physical movement without too much thought, you are already shifting away from your current thoughts. And if you waive back and forth, keep working on this. The actual shift is when you have those recurrent thoughts again and you choose to react to it differently than you did the first time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dM3VP7Tn0OQ

This video of Bashar makes me feel like I do need to work on my inner workings and be up to date with the energies which is another reason why I am going for my dreams.

4. Struggles with should, would, and could...

I know these words are not the most effective words as they often lead to living in the past and not being in the present moment. I feel like I am close to another break through but I am feeling out these feelings and working through them. Integrating them as best as I can. I am aware that what's suppose to happen will have happened and what's not is not a big deal. Sometimes I am so hard on myself that I do paralyze my mental state and I get sick and I don't want to do anything. Sometimes I keep thinking that I should be here right now but it almost seems like I went through a lot in order to appreciate this moment. The most wonderful thing that keeps my spirit up is probably the amount of support that I am receiving from my family and friends. No one has undermined me and in fact all I get a praises and unconditional support. The pressure is just on myself and how much I want it to succeed. I cannot wait to have an assistant one day... I feel like I have so many ideas and projects to contribute to bettering the world and I am working to get there too. Every week I am blessed with gifts... whether it is a kind encouragement or a physical thing that has appeared when I need it. It does make life so much more magical. I want to give back to those who have been so kind and generous. I hope they know how much I appreciate all of this. It's hard when I am so self-absorbed in my business and this is a critical time in my life. Well, critical as in I have lots of opportunities to create and succeed.

It's weird. Sometimes I feel like I probably can do a Ted Talk one day. I will have to boil down my thoughts and ideas but until then I will just keep doing what I am doing. I am going to treat myself nicely this week... sleep and travel is not the only way to treat myself. I want to feel well and being sick for over a week and a half has definitely put a stop and toll on my energy.

I also think about the future and how I want my life to be in several years when I envision myself being engaged and married... how will that life look like? We all have 24 hours a day..so how do I manage it all? I guess that is the next level of challenge that will come up before having children. =P To be honest, having children is not what I feel is challenging... it's more of making sure myself, my husband, and my family and friends are well taken cared of. I never really had these thoughts before but they just crept up just now. There's still so much more to experience and I am truly thankful for being alive at this time in Earth. While disclosure may not happen during my early years, I am certain that it will happen. Until then, I am sure there will be alternative ways to exist. At this moment, I certainly do feel that I am integrating into a 4 dimensional being. I do not buy into all the 3D realities because I know there's more to it then just what we perceive in this reality. I no longer associate myself to too much drama. It's just not my vibe and I have matured enough to be able to excuse myself from those type of situations. Yes, there is and still are a lot of tragedies happening on Earth but this is the polarized theme that we are experiencing. We will experience the most challenging and suffering experiences as a collective and we will also experience unconditional love and gratitude. When you realize that both realities exist, you can make the choice of which reality you want to be a part of. Could you imagine if the whole world just shifted just by changing their attitude or one belief. The idea of segregation too will always make it you against me instead of us. I just don't vibe with that. Even now, I am not looking for people who are competitive. I am looking to work with people who are supportive and who are confident in their abilities to stand true to themselves. There is more than enough for everyone and we do not need to fight. This is not to say that competition is negative, in fact competition has accelerated our modes of living, thinking, and execution of things to make our lives better. Why do I work with children? There is an aspect of childhood that lives in the dreams.. the ideas of infinite possibilities... the realm of confidence and conscience which I find inspiring. I remember Bashar saying that if everyone can tap into their inner child's imagination then we would all be non-fearful of conscious creation or our own true self. I believe this is a lot of babbling but maybe you get what I mean. When you go through spirituality, you will witness the goods and the not so goods. Instead of judging immediately, be neutral to the situation and see if it fits your reality. If not, leave it. If so, integrate it. That's it. Each moment we become more ourselves if we allow ourselves to continuously be curious, open-minded, and loving.

Whenever I write post here, I just start crying. It's really a mix of emotions and I feel like the whole universe wants to support me. I am aware that I just need to chill out and not take life so seriously. To be honest, I just want to be the best version of me. I know there's a lot more abundance coming and I am preparing for more output. So in the meantime, I do need to feed my soul with spirituality, positivity, good food, and keep my body healthy and energized so I can do more. Without the latter, I just feel drained. I remember Michelle Pham (beauty guru) mentioning that if we continuously give, we may feel drained. And we need to learn how to balance that out so that we have enough energy to keep going. She's such a real inspiration to me and I remember reading her blog when she was just in high school. I may be late in doing my own thing but I am still inspired.

How is my depression going?

I have shifted enough universes to say that I am not depressed. Having said that, remnants of my own self-worth do prop up especially when time gets hard and I hear my ego telling me to just hide and not do anything... to the point of ignoring and not dealing with my emotions. So I remind myself to ask for the angels and guides for help and I send myself positive energy. Then I ask for the angels to clear my energy so that it's not some sort of debris that is floating around and that I have picked up because I am low in energy and need some energy. As a reminder, everything is energy. Even thoughts and beliefs are energy that is floating around... Our body is an amazing antennae that can pick up certain frequencies so we are not in like 20 different realities at once. So sometimes other peoples thoughts you might unconsciously pick it up or from someone walking by, someone chatting at the coffee shop, watching t.v., reading a book, or being around people who are low in energy or doing hurtful things to themselves. I know there's a lot going on... personally I have even encountered low spirits who attach to people who use substance abuse. So... I just pray for everyone. There's nothing to be scared of because at the end of the day. Think about this... Imagine you're looking at the mirror and this is inspired by Bashar. Imagine you're looking at a mirror and you notice yourself sad... you do not yell at the mirror to change it to happy. Because the mirror is a reflection of you and so for any change to occur, you need to smile. The same goes to now stepping back and seeing other people in the mirror. You're looking at them and they are not being kind or they may be judgemental. Heck, you're probably making a quick judgement anyways. The truth of the matter is while perhaps they do have a judgement about you, the question you have to ask yourself is do you accept this judgement? If so, then you will continue reflecting that judgement in unbelievable scenarios with them. However, to be honest... most people when they look at the mirror, they usually are looking at themselves first. They might take a glance at you, but most people are focused on their own reflection. So, don't be discouraged if someone is not flashing a smile at you. They might be going through some tough challenging stuff and you would not know unless they told you. There's a million things that can be firing up in people's minds. Now think about this, when you do smile inward and really an authentic smile appears and you notice your smiling reflection, someone else may catch a glimpse of your smile. And if you look around and you are being your true self and smiling at the moment, do you know what that creates? A domino affect. Curiosity will sprung and the people who want to be apart of this domino affect will instantly line up and reflect that smile back to you. In this one moment, because you were being your true self, you showed them that they can also be their true self. That they are accepted and that they are acknowledged just as you acknowledged yourself. The idea is that domino effects are not as hard to create and it really only requires a gentle nudge. It does not require force and no one is forcing anyone to do anything. Like what Mahatma Gandhi said... "In a gentle way, you can shake the world." This can begin with a smile or it can begin with a message, a quote, a art, a video...whatever creative ways.

If you do not believe in your abilities or gifts right now, then that's okay. Today might not be your best day but there's always tomorrow and rather for eternity you can be working on this. You will just come back and work on this until you shift. And you know what? I have decided that's its okay for some people to be stuck. You want the best for them but what's best for them is when they decide that they want to be free. What's free? It depends on your belief. If it sways to the negative, then you can stay there. If it swings positive, then you will know the feeling. Freedom to me means financial freedom, creative freedom, label free, and peace... like the gentle wind blowing in your face. I remember during my darkest moments where I was crying in my room many times, I would see tinkers of light. In a gentle way, I (another part of myself) was sending myself reminders that there is light out of this darkness. I remember vividly and perhaps I was meant to go through this journey. I know now that being curious and open-minded is what has helped me get to where I was. Also, knowing that I'm part of something greater was also helpful. I just want to say that these are my thoughts at this moment. They are ever changing and evolving as I am presently here on Earth. I say it in this way because I do have beliefs that I am visitor and that I have a lot of friends or multiples lives who I have enlisted for help as I am here on this journey. I want to just extend this gratitude to the invisible and the visible and to the universe and beyond. All I know is that love is what transcends all boundaries and I also know that love is expressed in many different ways. I will try to remind myself that most everybody is trying their best to be loving in ways that they know how. Our environment, our cultures, our background and many of those perspectives is a way that we are learning to love. Love is an energy and you are love right now because if you were not loved then you would not be able to find this post or read about this. Furthermore, love is all around you when you begin to appreciate the simpleness and beauty of life. Just look at the sunset, listen to the ocean, visit a waterfall, or go somewhere you've never explored before and you will see the love that emanates from these natural environments. Whoever created them were sure passionate to create a beautiful place so that we can find solace and love. There are many realities... which one do you choose? In the end, it's all in your head. But know that is real because of your experiences and your emotions. It sure is a once in a life time opportunity because next time you might come back as something else... maybe a tree, a bug, another being? Who knows... I feel like my true self or higher mind is speaking through me. I may not have all the answers to the problems in the world but I sure can remind myself to shift to finding answers. It's been an hour now so it's time for me to rest up.

Thank you for listening and for your time. If you have any feedback, please feel free to leave it down below or any questions. I know a lot of people are going through tough times and I also know a lot of people are living their lives. It's not really about where you should be... but where are you now? What is it in your life that you would like to change? How long will you give yourself before you are able to change? If you cannot, will you give up? How about instead of giving up to just go with the flow and just do it. Showing up at the doorstep is better than never being able to perceive the doors. A lot of people no matter what age still have a lot of opportunities in life. Never ever give up and persevere. It's a lot of work and I am not going to tell you that it is easy. But, all the work that you do on yourself will contribute to a world that you prefer... and you will see the same people but when they perceive you they too will reflect to you another side of themselves. And if not, be gentle and let them be. They too are going through their own experiences. Nothing is permanent but everything is as real as you make it to be.

Goodnight. <3 <3 <3

Much love.