Hello Well-Wishers!
It's been almost half a year since I last shared what's been going on... and a lot has happened!
Here are several things that I have noticed about myself:
- Whatever I think, feel, or desire happens! I have learned to be conscious of what my thoughts are at every moment. Sometimes it may not happen right at that moment, but things will happen in like 2 days or so. It's amazing. It's like a miracle. It's supernatural. It's mind-blowing.
- Being super busy again is great! It keeps my mind occupied and I feel like I am contributing to an overall great picture. However, I need to be careful of my health. In the past I would work extremely hard and then would crash. Well, guess what? This happened a couple of days ago and I got myself sick through a severe allergic reaction to fried foods. It shocked my body and even though I am at my busiest time, I have decided to take several days off to recover. Nothing is more important to me than health at this moment. My mental well-being is important as well as my physical well-being. Things will be okay if I am gone for several days. It is not the end of the world.
- A lot of dreams I have never thought of happening so soon are coming... and I am learning how to juggle and manage these new transitions. For once in my life, I have goals. Yes, I have goals and plans. It's kind of amazing since I was severely depressed in a previous alternate reality for several years... so I feel so blessed to even be able to have the foresight to make my dreams into a reality. This only means another dream that I have in mind is also coming into fruition. I do not know when but I know it is coming because these other dreams are manifesting. I am so happy, ecstatic, and thankful. I know I am not the brightest person on Earth but I will tell you this, I know in my heart that I have the purest intentions. What I receive I put it out back into the universe. I do not intend to horde or to accumulate... I share and I know I radiate love. I just have a lot of love to give and if I can manifest more things due to my belief systems then why not? I am blessed and for the amount of time I am here on Earth, I want to make a difference that will last for generations. I don't know how it will come about but I know whatever it is that I am doing... I just keep going. It's a lot of hard work but it's my passions and I just keep doing what I can do.
- I have sort of created my own mental bubble world. I know it's sort of a weird concept but I empowered. I also want to still include all of my spiritual galactic higher well friends and family of any. I feel like they do reach out to me and they know I love to read so they come to me through online videos and articles. I know that's the way I best receive information and I am thankful for having the ability to be able to discern truths and to not buy into fear. I am thankful for the ability to see multiple perspectives at once and to be able to integrate it all. It is a knowingness that I speak of...not literally a sense in the specifics. I know we are all interrelated and the point is the integrate all of the different parts of us together. Yes, there are certain parts of the past that may linger but I have decided to not let that reflect upon my life. Yes, I will accept that it has happened perhaps but no I will not let it continue to fuel me to do certain things. For what? So what? Why are we so entrenched in other people's battles... when we fear we go out to seek for approval and that usually means having support. Having support is great and I am eternally thankful for my galactic families support but I know I cannot depend my life on them.. ultimately it is my choice. No one can make anyone happy, but yourself. Even your family or your partner... no one can. When you truly do love yourself, this will be reflected on how others treat you. When they say they love you, take it as a reflection of the purest form reflecting back to you. Are you reflecting love onto others or hate? Well, you get what you put out so I'm just saying to be aware. Also, you do make a difference. Even if you do not think you do, yes you do. Never underestimate your own strength and use that as an excuse to just scurry past life because no matter what circumstances you been through, you did make the choice to come to Earth so own it. It's a hard lesson to learn but at some point through this entire spiritual evolution process, I did make a choice to come back here. I do not understand the multiple facets of this world however, I have the bigger picture in mind. Perhaps, I was lucky in that I could see it from the bigger picture but that's the key... to keep the bigger picture in mind and to not be so nick picky about our neighbours. I'm not perfect and I have said my fair share but I know at the end of the day, they are who they are because of who they continue to choose to be whether unconsciously or consciously and it is my job to first forgive them for their foolishness and then to love them because they also are a part of me. And I have to ask for forgiveness because I judged them to be foolish because if I judge them to be foolish then I must think a part of me is foolish. Perhaps sometimes I am, so forgive, let go, and just love.
There's a lot going on... and I actually manifested my first illness this past weekend. I had a bad feeling but I decided to not follow my intuition and instead got sick. Maybe my desire to have a break was more powerful than work so hence I manifested a situation where I could allow myself an opportunity to take a break. If a break is necessary, then I shall take it. Life is too short to push myself... for what? It's my life and I only have one that I know right now that I have conscious control over. I am so thankful, lucky, and extremely appreciative of the universe and all this that I am able to create thus far!
It's Thanksgiving weekend and I am so thankful for all the relationships that I am reforming, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and my colleagues... and all the strangers that I encounter. I always meet lovely people nowadays and you know it's true... a smile changes everything so always smile!
I'm looking back and I am truly proud of my accomplishments thus far... From having or being nothing a year ago to now being an entrepreneur. I just feel so blessed to been giving so many opportunities and to have support reflected back to me. I know now it's up to me to continue with my dreams and to keep dreaming and bringing them into reality. I realized that I am currently volunteering at least 15 hours a week... That's quite a lot! But I love what I do and I know volunteering and giving back is what makes your life more abundant.
Remember, it all starts with a desire...and then let it happen. Let go of expectations and live your life through excitements.
Thanks for listening everyone! Take care. <3
Saturday, 11 October 2014
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
Since my last post... my life has changed.
Drastically.
And it is time for me to reflect and share these experiences.
I am at the moment feeling a plethora of emotions...
Honoured
Grounded
Thankful
Appreciative
Blessed
Loved
And... this amazing feeling is pretty much like heaven on Earth. I finally have an idea of what it means now... and while I am still human here. I know I can create that reality and bring forth it into my awareness. Each day, I have to say I am blessed with the knowledge and capability to truly follow my dreams. And it all starts with a particular perspective, in fact... what perspective are you choosing now?
For now, I just am in the moment and I will just leave it for now.
I feel empowered and yknow what the best and greatest gift in the world is...besides unconditional love? The ability to choose what I want to think, feel, and believe in my mind.
Now, that is absolute freedom.
This amazing Tarot spread reading that I did for myself online really affirms everything that I am feeling but in real life it's even more ecstatic and amazing.
Please have a look below and I will provide more descriptions.
From: http://www.freetarot.com/
The first card in your reading represents the past, revealing influences that have led to your current situation.
The Knight of Cups
In the past position, the Knight of Cups stands for a man of romance and fanciful ideals. The Knight is not a fighter but a passionate lover who may come to us in the form of a relationship. If he represents an actual person, the Knight holds beauty in the highest respect and provides solace for the heartache of others. If the Knight is not a person, then he points to a need to take a sensitive approach and understand the emotional motivations of others. We may have just received a confession of love or feel a sudden shift to a more compassionate approach.
When the Knight of Cups lands in the past position, a man of grace—a gallant white knight may have saved us in the nick of time! At this moment, we may seek the finer things in life and focus on all that is beautiful.
Why does this ring true to my heart? Well, remember in my previous post where I mentioned my boyfriend in my last post? Well, he's always been supportive but something happened to myself internally and I have become a different person. I have become a person who is determined to overcome fears and not only that, but to face them with integrity, grace, and compassion. My boyfriend has been so supportive of everything and he really has saved me. And I literally was thinking about this a week about... about how he really saved me in the nick of time. Timing He really opened many doors and he was only merely being himself. I am so ever blessed and thankful. I know we are in partnership together this lifetime and I am thrilled about our future.
The second card in your reading is the present, revealing what is happening around you.
The Two of Wands
In the present position, the II of Wands indicates we have created our own approach to the problems at hand. Perhaps we have just set into motion a new enterprise, and we stand at a high position of power over the future. Though, the road ahead is full of unforeseen issues, and we must apply our attention to keep from getting lost on the trail. In setting out on our own, we hold the world in our palm, and now must sway others to see it from our elevated outlook over the land.
When the II of Wands appears in the present position, we have decided to embark on our own unique approach toward the future. We must now dare to dream big and see to the end of the enterprise we have set into motion.
The third card in your Tarot reading reveals the future if you continue down the path you are headed on. Remember, you have the power to shape your future as you wish!
The Four of Wands
In the future position, the IV of Wands points to a period when we are about to break free and secure victory. All the work, time and energy put into a creative enterprise or endeavor has finally paid off! Perhaps, we are about to receive a promotion, a bonus or see to the end of a profitable artistic project. No matter the case, we will find no other way to react to this outcome than to celebrate. We delight in the achievement of personal goals and open new possibilities toward the future. Gifts and rewards may be given to us at this time.
When the IV of Wands falls in the future position, we may just be surprised at the greatness of our own achievement. We have seen a project or situation through until the end, and reflect on all that was sacrificed toward this final outcome.
Your free Tarot reading:
Overall Interpretation
The neutrality of the Two of Wands sandwiched between the positivity of the Knight of Cups and the Four of Wands tells us that even though things seem uncertain to you now, you are heading towards a favourable outcome. Keep on your path, and be positive.
Endings bring new beginnings, and the successful completion of a project, or a relationship, will bring you a profound sense of security, harmony, and inner peace. Moving, or buying a house may also be in your future.
Friday, 9 May 2014
Hello Well-Wishers!
I just wanted to post an update here because it's been over a month! :)
I currently have a headache but that's okay... I will be alright.
I have been a lot busier lately and it's been good. This means I am finally starting to really take responsibility for my life and shape the world the way I want to see it. I am very blessed at this moment and I really feel incredibly thankful.
There's a lot of little things going on and I feel like, in the next 6 months, life is going to be even more amazing then what it is now. I am just dipping my feet and following my joy!
So I want to document this beginning because I have been blessed with a few opportunities and now that I have opened up and stated to some of my friends my intentions... I am getting support and I never knew how before but people are wanting to help!
There's a lot going on and I need to stay focused. I cannot let my moods get into the way of my life... I'm pretty certain that I am done exploring that avenue but if it happens then so be it.
Currently... I have 3 main projects going on that will all contribute to a better life for myself. However, I will go through all parts of my life:
1. Health/Fitness:
I just bought a gym pass yesterday and so I will be starting to work out today. My goal is to feel healthier, look slimmer, and to be a better physical version of me now. I want to be able to feel confident wearing a bathing suit because I will be hitting up some sunny beaches in the next 2 months... so it's serious! I have also put money into juicing and trying not to starve myself unintentionally.
2. Relationships
It's almost my 10 years anniversary with my boyfriend. My priority is to be able to provide him love and support always and to remind him that even though I am getting busier, I am not ignoring him. He's a kid at heart... And also trying to be patient with his grumpiness. It's interesting to see the shift... he's become a lot grumpier. Well, that's what love is. You have to deal with your partner's moods. Just don't take it personally and tell them when their mood is affecting yours.
3. Mental Health:
I have a life coach now and just started this week. I am in the process of exploring more of myself but with the assistant of someone whom I have just met. I am so thankful for this experience as I believe it will be life-changing. The next 3 months, I know will come by fast but I am savoring this moment. My mind space is a lot clearer and like I said before, I am moody. But I am now keeping busy, so my mind can take a break. I am quickly conquering my fears... I am being challenged to come out of my comfort zone from supportive people. I can do it. I know I can. I must. Why? Because it's my passion right now and I just have to go for it.
4. Career
I have decided to launch my teaching business! I have decided to be committed to it and to give it a try. That means putting my heart and soul into it. I don't know where it will lead but all I know is that in 6 months' time... it will not be like where I am right now. I can do it. The universe supports me in all the thoughts that I make. I am learning how to be an entrepreneur, a better communicator, and someone who is not afraid to be themselves. There's so much to do... it's a little overwhelming but I feel like I can do it. Once I look into it a little more, I will be able to shape it to what I want. There's never certainty in anything. I just got to give it a try!
I just wanted to post an update here because it's been over a month! :)
I currently have a headache but that's okay... I will be alright.
I have been a lot busier lately and it's been good. This means I am finally starting to really take responsibility for my life and shape the world the way I want to see it. I am very blessed at this moment and I really feel incredibly thankful.
There's a lot of little things going on and I feel like, in the next 6 months, life is going to be even more amazing then what it is now. I am just dipping my feet and following my joy!
So I want to document this beginning because I have been blessed with a few opportunities and now that I have opened up and stated to some of my friends my intentions... I am getting support and I never knew how before but people are wanting to help!
There's a lot going on and I need to stay focused. I cannot let my moods get into the way of my life... I'm pretty certain that I am done exploring that avenue but if it happens then so be it.
Currently... I have 3 main projects going on that will all contribute to a better life for myself. However, I will go through all parts of my life:
1. Health/Fitness:
I just bought a gym pass yesterday and so I will be starting to work out today. My goal is to feel healthier, look slimmer, and to be a better physical version of me now. I want to be able to feel confident wearing a bathing suit because I will be hitting up some sunny beaches in the next 2 months... so it's serious! I have also put money into juicing and trying not to starve myself unintentionally.
2. Relationships
It's almost my 10 years anniversary with my boyfriend. My priority is to be able to provide him love and support always and to remind him that even though I am getting busier, I am not ignoring him. He's a kid at heart... And also trying to be patient with his grumpiness. It's interesting to see the shift... he's become a lot grumpier. Well, that's what love is. You have to deal with your partner's moods. Just don't take it personally and tell them when their mood is affecting yours.
3. Mental Health:
I have a life coach now and just started this week. I am in the process of exploring more of myself but with the assistant of someone whom I have just met. I am so thankful for this experience as I believe it will be life-changing. The next 3 months, I know will come by fast but I am savoring this moment. My mind space is a lot clearer and like I said before, I am moody. But I am now keeping busy, so my mind can take a break. I am quickly conquering my fears... I am being challenged to come out of my comfort zone from supportive people. I can do it. I know I can. I must. Why? Because it's my passion right now and I just have to go for it.
4. Career
I have decided to launch my teaching business! I have decided to be committed to it and to give it a try. That means putting my heart and soul into it. I don't know where it will lead but all I know is that in 6 months' time... it will not be like where I am right now. I can do it. The universe supports me in all the thoughts that I make. I am learning how to be an entrepreneur, a better communicator, and someone who is not afraid to be themselves. There's so much to do... it's a little overwhelming but I feel like I can do it. Once I look into it a little more, I will be able to shape it to what I want. There's never certainty in anything. I just got to give it a try!
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Personal Update!
I'm going to have an intuitive reading this Saturday! I am excited because it has almost been 11 months since my first reading and it really helped me a lot with all that was happening last year.
I'm excited to hear what my guides, angels, and family have to say. There's so much I want to know and last time I spoke too much. This time, I'm going to sit back and listen to what I need to hear.
I'm excited to hear what my guides, angels, and family have to say. There's so much I want to know and last time I spoke too much. This time, I'm going to sit back and listen to what I need to hear.
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Feeling so blessed... :)
A lot has happened since my birthday update aka last post...
I recall that day being super emotional and dramatic. However, my day did end so much better!
My boyfriend surprised me with a birthday party!
Instantly, it threw me back to a few years ago (when I was going through depression) and how dreadful I felt at that surprise birthday party because I had been hiding my depression and I had not talked to many of the people there so it was awkward talking to my own friends.
Thankfully, this time around... I have spoken to most of the people there so I felt a sense of relief and I was able to enjoy the party for once! I usually have a panic attack or feel anxious... but I am handling things well (meaning I'm more comfortable in my own skin even around my friends)!
But... truthfully I never realized how blessed I was. I know that I am very lucky to live in North America, to have a solid education, and to have parents who worked really hard to do the best they could for me. But, I never really thought of having a lot of friends...
I'll back that up... it's because I was really traumatized after going through depression and to what I believe losing friends. I had learned how to shelter myself from being around girlfriends and I really didn't know how to explain my depression. I just pushed everyone away because I wanted to figure it out myself and at the same time I didn't want to talk about my issues. So, I know now that I cannot live that way for the rest of my life... because I would really miss out the part of having and maintaining relationships which is a journey that I am here to also learn about. Hence, I was really surprised to see almost all of my friends there and I just didn't think that I had so many. I'm thankful that my boyfriend has been very receptive of which friends I have been keeping in touch with and I thank him for always encouraging me to go out and mingle.
So... I had a wonderful birthday! We made pizza and I got to see them all in one room instead of all of them separately. Although some of my friends are new and some of the old are not there... I am so thankful for the ones that have stuck around! Truthfully, I do not need drama in my life and I am content with my new found being. Drama - Free! I have no patience for that... to be honest!
And then... since I have not really received gifts from friends for like years now. I got presents! What? I was so surprised...shocked...and almost felt guilty for receiving presents. Like for me? Really? Why would you spend money on me? Especially since I rarely gave out parents...which now I really am rethinking that. I received so many presents that it overwhelmed me. How did I deserve all this? I wasn't sure...but I was so in appreciation.
Then the next week, I just had so many blessed moments. I really want to record them all to remind myself how thankful I am...
The week after my birthday, I challenged myself to go to a women's networking event. I have never in my life done this before but I realized that I have to put myself out there and to surround myself with different people. I want to learn how to be a better networker, communicator, and entrepreneur. I had an awesome time and I met a few very unique, smart, and inspiring women whom I have already connected with. :)
Then I had an amazing day trip with a close girlfriend. We had so much fun shopping, eating, and more shopping! The day flowed so well and we had a blast. We went with the flow and everything came out perfectly. It was a perfect day. How lucky are we?
After, my boyfriend taught me how to skate. I decided to stay positive, overcome my fears, revert from my self defeating thoughts and try my best! I have to say, he is an awesome teacher and I am so thankful that he is teaching so many children how to skate. His gentle guidance really helped me and I figured out how to cross over while skating in one lesson!
Then I met up with another really close girlfriend for afternoon tea, which was so nice to catch up and talk and reminisce about our lives... then a dinner date with two of my other really good friends.
I have to say, these ladies are the ones who have been very accepting of my depression and life's challenges... I am so thankful!
So a lot more wonderful things started to happen... and I just felt so blissful. But I kind of got off track and here is the main reason for my post.
I realized that in the last two weeks, I received a lot of free things. The idea just popped into my mind... I just feel so "WOW" and "OMG" out... well maybe because it's birthday week! Who knows...
This is NOT TO BRAG! I am writing it down for MYSELF ONLY but am sharing it with others so that they too can benefit from what I have been working on.
Lately, I have been praying for courage. I started this mantra in the beginning of March. I only had a few breakdowns this year but for March, I wanted to feel different. I wanted to be courageous. I wanted to let go of fears... I wanted to be truly me or be closer to expressing who I really am. Hence, I set out the intentions of courageousness. So it began with a thought... then I transferred all those quotes that I had mentioned in my previous blog post onto picture frames and I placed them around my bedroom so that I can be reminded of what state of being I wanted to be in... Then the next part was to trust that things will unfold. I think this part is the hardest at first because I often doubt myself but I thought having courage would be something that I can handle because it is a mental thought and feeling. So, with this mentality in mind... I finally put myself out there and a lot more than what I have done in the last 2-3 years.
1. I got an interview (but did not get a position).
2. I successful bartered coaching lessons in exchange for my musical services.
3. I expanded my musical service teaching hours without much effort. *Hindsight* I am still praying for more courage to put myself out there...
4. I have been keeping in touch with important people around me. However, today I am feeling slightly overwhelmed so I have held back. But I am praying for 'courage' once again and for forgiveness.
5. I volunteered at two networking events... 2 to be exact!
5. Things I received for free within the last two weeks (due to birthday):
- Mac products
- gorgeous YSL lipstick
- beautiful kate spade earrings
- beautiful handmade stacked rings
- green tea and candles
- scarf
6. Other things I realized that I manifested in the last week...which are essentially FREE
- $1300.00 check
- yummy cream puffs which I was thinking of the other day...
- a box of free teaching materials
- terrarium
- music teaching materials
- makeup from Sephora
- coaching and mentoring advice
Hmm... so I just wanted to say that life is happening right now.
Somethings just popped into my mind.
Be Humble.
Feel confident from within. Almost like... chant it quietly, calmly, and confidently to yourself.
Live in the now.
Technology rocks. Upgrade if you can.
Always be willing to grow, change, and find your true self. Never be afraid of change for it is the only thing constant.
Emotions... pent up emotions will manifest in disease and illness. After my blowout with my parents, I succumbed to pink eye and strep throat. Spiritually, it means I have a lot of anger and I did. Well, so I am thankful for the experience and I am now letting it go.
I guess an update... while I have been ignoring my dad, I have spoken to my mom because it was her birthday and I gave her a present. She proceeded to tell me that her and dad are working things out and they are getting better. I responded with... I don't care it's none of my business. It's true. It is not. And they have stopped arguing and complaining... which is nice for a change. Anytime it occurs again, I will remind myself to walk out of the house. They say, if you can't change other people then you must change yourself. I have. I have decided to let go of their relationship issues and my guilt for not being able to help. However, I will always speak up my truth and I no longer will hold back. I do not feel shameful for being an emotional being. I do have compassion, and I am reminded to act with grace. However, I also like to stir things up but from a love point of view. Forget about saving face! Just be you. Just be you. Change your circumstances if you are not happy or change your attitude. Choose both and you will be shifting to another reality much quicker. Do not expect after that you have changed that other people will. Do not expect anything from anyone.
I was thinking back...wow how did I deserve so many wonderful things in the last two weeks and I realized that I have the potential to give more. Maybe because I am volunteering a lot... although I don't really call it volunteering.. I just do what I like to do.
Anyways, I am so thankful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I recall that day being super emotional and dramatic. However, my day did end so much better!
My boyfriend surprised me with a birthday party!
Instantly, it threw me back to a few years ago (when I was going through depression) and how dreadful I felt at that surprise birthday party because I had been hiding my depression and I had not talked to many of the people there so it was awkward talking to my own friends.
Thankfully, this time around... I have spoken to most of the people there so I felt a sense of relief and I was able to enjoy the party for once! I usually have a panic attack or feel anxious... but I am handling things well (meaning I'm more comfortable in my own skin even around my friends)!
But... truthfully I never realized how blessed I was. I know that I am very lucky to live in North America, to have a solid education, and to have parents who worked really hard to do the best they could for me. But, I never really thought of having a lot of friends...
I'll back that up... it's because I was really traumatized after going through depression and to what I believe losing friends. I had learned how to shelter myself from being around girlfriends and I really didn't know how to explain my depression. I just pushed everyone away because I wanted to figure it out myself and at the same time I didn't want to talk about my issues. So, I know now that I cannot live that way for the rest of my life... because I would really miss out the part of having and maintaining relationships which is a journey that I am here to also learn about. Hence, I was really surprised to see almost all of my friends there and I just didn't think that I had so many. I'm thankful that my boyfriend has been very receptive of which friends I have been keeping in touch with and I thank him for always encouraging me to go out and mingle.
So... I had a wonderful birthday! We made pizza and I got to see them all in one room instead of all of them separately. Although some of my friends are new and some of the old are not there... I am so thankful for the ones that have stuck around! Truthfully, I do not need drama in my life and I am content with my new found being. Drama - Free! I have no patience for that... to be honest!
And then... since I have not really received gifts from friends for like years now. I got presents! What? I was so surprised...shocked...and almost felt guilty for receiving presents. Like for me? Really? Why would you spend money on me? Especially since I rarely gave out parents...which now I really am rethinking that. I received so many presents that it overwhelmed me. How did I deserve all this? I wasn't sure...but I was so in appreciation.
Then the next week, I just had so many blessed moments. I really want to record them all to remind myself how thankful I am...
The week after my birthday, I challenged myself to go to a women's networking event. I have never in my life done this before but I realized that I have to put myself out there and to surround myself with different people. I want to learn how to be a better networker, communicator, and entrepreneur. I had an awesome time and I met a few very unique, smart, and inspiring women whom I have already connected with. :)
Then I had an amazing day trip with a close girlfriend. We had so much fun shopping, eating, and more shopping! The day flowed so well and we had a blast. We went with the flow and everything came out perfectly. It was a perfect day. How lucky are we?
After, my boyfriend taught me how to skate. I decided to stay positive, overcome my fears, revert from my self defeating thoughts and try my best! I have to say, he is an awesome teacher and I am so thankful that he is teaching so many children how to skate. His gentle guidance really helped me and I figured out how to cross over while skating in one lesson!
Then I met up with another really close girlfriend for afternoon tea, which was so nice to catch up and talk and reminisce about our lives... then a dinner date with two of my other really good friends.
I have to say, these ladies are the ones who have been very accepting of my depression and life's challenges... I am so thankful!
So a lot more wonderful things started to happen... and I just felt so blissful. But I kind of got off track and here is the main reason for my post.
I realized that in the last two weeks, I received a lot of free things. The idea just popped into my mind... I just feel so "WOW" and "OMG" out... well maybe because it's birthday week! Who knows...
This is NOT TO BRAG! I am writing it down for MYSELF ONLY but am sharing it with others so that they too can benefit from what I have been working on.
Lately, I have been praying for courage. I started this mantra in the beginning of March. I only had a few breakdowns this year but for March, I wanted to feel different. I wanted to be courageous. I wanted to let go of fears... I wanted to be truly me or be closer to expressing who I really am. Hence, I set out the intentions of courageousness. So it began with a thought... then I transferred all those quotes that I had mentioned in my previous blog post onto picture frames and I placed them around my bedroom so that I can be reminded of what state of being I wanted to be in... Then the next part was to trust that things will unfold. I think this part is the hardest at first because I often doubt myself but I thought having courage would be something that I can handle because it is a mental thought and feeling. So, with this mentality in mind... I finally put myself out there and a lot more than what I have done in the last 2-3 years.
1. I got an interview (but did not get a position).
2. I successful bartered coaching lessons in exchange for my musical services.
3. I expanded my musical service teaching hours without much effort. *Hindsight* I am still praying for more courage to put myself out there...
4. I have been keeping in touch with important people around me. However, today I am feeling slightly overwhelmed so I have held back. But I am praying for 'courage' once again and for forgiveness.
5. I volunteered at two networking events... 2 to be exact!
5. Things I received for free within the last two weeks (due to birthday):
- Mac products
- gorgeous YSL lipstick
- beautiful kate spade earrings
- beautiful handmade stacked rings
- green tea and candles
- scarf
6. Other things I realized that I manifested in the last week...which are essentially FREE
- $1300.00 check
- yummy cream puffs which I was thinking of the other day...
- a box of free teaching materials
- terrarium
- music teaching materials
- makeup from Sephora
- coaching and mentoring advice
Hmm... so I just wanted to say that life is happening right now.
Somethings just popped into my mind.
Be Humble.
Feel confident from within. Almost like... chant it quietly, calmly, and confidently to yourself.
Live in the now.
Technology rocks. Upgrade if you can.
Always be willing to grow, change, and find your true self. Never be afraid of change for it is the only thing constant.
Emotions... pent up emotions will manifest in disease and illness. After my blowout with my parents, I succumbed to pink eye and strep throat. Spiritually, it means I have a lot of anger and I did. Well, so I am thankful for the experience and I am now letting it go.
I guess an update... while I have been ignoring my dad, I have spoken to my mom because it was her birthday and I gave her a present. She proceeded to tell me that her and dad are working things out and they are getting better. I responded with... I don't care it's none of my business. It's true. It is not. And they have stopped arguing and complaining... which is nice for a change. Anytime it occurs again, I will remind myself to walk out of the house. They say, if you can't change other people then you must change yourself. I have. I have decided to let go of their relationship issues and my guilt for not being able to help. However, I will always speak up my truth and I no longer will hold back. I do not feel shameful for being an emotional being. I do have compassion, and I am reminded to act with grace. However, I also like to stir things up but from a love point of view. Forget about saving face! Just be you. Just be you. Change your circumstances if you are not happy or change your attitude. Choose both and you will be shifting to another reality much quicker. Do not expect after that you have changed that other people will. Do not expect anything from anyone.
I was thinking back...wow how did I deserve so many wonderful things in the last two weeks and I realized that I have the potential to give more. Maybe because I am volunteering a lot... although I don't really call it volunteering.. I just do what I like to do.
Anyways, I am so thankful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Tuesday, 25 March 2014
A Few Thoughts: Dreaming Up Your Life
Over the weekend and despite all the family drama... My boyfriend surprised me with a birthday party!
It made me realize how much of light he has given me. He has uplifted in more ways than he will ever know but I realized that he is always looking out for my BEST interest. He truly cares deeply about me and I have to say, with our relationship, we delve into the moments and we go with the flow. What I mean is that I don't let any part of myself (negatively) get in the way of things. I openly share my thoughts and feelings and he understands that those are just things that I am going through. I mean, we have been together for 10 years so we have progressed a lot in a decade. I am just so thankful for all his love! He really makes all my dreams come true...
I haven't really organized a birthday party since my 21st birthday and it has been a while. I really did not expect anything this year. I don't expect anything at all for any birthdays. However, this year I was thinking that I should have a birthday party but other things got in the way and I slowly began thinking that it was too late to plan something and who do I invite? Should I do a girl's night or a bigger party or do them in separate groups? So, I overwhelmed myself.
Hence, I was so surprised when I saw all of my friends! I had told my bf that I really wanted an experiential birthday party - where people can do something and he made it happen! I just casually mentioned it with no expectation. It was just a thought because that's more fun! We all made pizzas and it was a lot of fun! :*)
I am so thankful for all my friends and others who I did not expect to be so kind to me. I even received gifts and for that, I was even more truly blessed because I know people are spending money already and taking their day off to be there. So, I was really surprised! I just haven't given gifts in a long time and it reminded me that I too need to be more giving - in any way. It was kind of weird... a lot of things that I have always wanted suddenly manifested!
It was like...how did they read my mind? I just find it amazing and everything I receive I absolutely loved it! I felt the sincerity of each present and that really warmed my heart.
It made me realize how much of light he has given me. He has uplifted in more ways than he will ever know but I realized that he is always looking out for my BEST interest. He truly cares deeply about me and I have to say, with our relationship, we delve into the moments and we go with the flow. What I mean is that I don't let any part of myself (negatively) get in the way of things. I openly share my thoughts and feelings and he understands that those are just things that I am going through. I mean, we have been together for 10 years so we have progressed a lot in a decade. I am just so thankful for all his love! He really makes all my dreams come true...
I haven't really organized a birthday party since my 21st birthday and it has been a while. I really did not expect anything this year. I don't expect anything at all for any birthdays. However, this year I was thinking that I should have a birthday party but other things got in the way and I slowly began thinking that it was too late to plan something and who do I invite? Should I do a girl's night or a bigger party or do them in separate groups? So, I overwhelmed myself.
Hence, I was so surprised when I saw all of my friends! I had told my bf that I really wanted an experiential birthday party - where people can do something and he made it happen! I just casually mentioned it with no expectation. It was just a thought because that's more fun! We all made pizzas and it was a lot of fun! :*)
I am so thankful for all my friends and others who I did not expect to be so kind to me. I even received gifts and for that, I was even more truly blessed because I know people are spending money already and taking their day off to be there. So, I was really surprised! I just haven't given gifts in a long time and it reminded me that I too need to be more giving - in any way. It was kind of weird... a lot of things that I have always wanted suddenly manifested!
It was like...how did they read my mind? I just find it amazing and everything I receive I absolutely loved it! I felt the sincerity of each present and that really warmed my heart.
Sunday, 23 March 2014
I am finally letting go...
Hello Well-wishers!
I have been going through a lot in the last couple of days... It's been interesting. Before I explain what's been going on... I am currently making an appeal to my family. Actually, I am not communicating with my parents because I am sick and tired of the way they talk to each other. I am withdrawing communications with them for now...and even though today is my birthday and so is my mom's...I am standing strong on my actions. It's been a hard lesson to learn but I finally got the idea of not caring so much.
My dad is complete mute, arrogant, emotion-less expressing and completely rude and self-righteous. My mom is a good natured women but a people pleaser, tendency to over dramaticize everything, and complain thus spilling out negativity. I am reminded to have compassion for my parents but this is so incredibly hard... Especially when I believe that human beings need to be constantly evolving. So, I don't understand why people don't work out their issues and try to heal and grow and become a better person. I just don't understand this concept. I know it might sound naive but I am a very hopeful person. I always believe that if anything, I can have at least an impact on my parents...to guide them to new ways of thinking. But the last day and so, instead of being quiet about it, I spoke up and I was very forceful and demanding for an explanation for why this is. Why am I in such a polarized family? How can someone be so cold? How am I suppose to help my parents evolve when one of them is so absolutely cannot beared to be around. And how do I deal with a mom who consistently take the blame for herself and demand that she is the root of all these issues.. so we have one parent who takes the blame and the other who blames everyone else but themselves. It is so hard to get into their frequencies because each time I try I have to try to get to them but I can't. It upsets me and makes me feel powerless because innately I know they have chosen their personas...however still I believe in parallel realities. This sense of alienation in my family has always been felt... they really don't understand where I come from and I really don't understand where they come from. It's like I deliberately chose this family to learn about differences, polarities, and two opposite extremes. Almost like a war... my goodness. How can such things exists...? But they do.
I have never felt betrayal in my life but yesterday was the first time. I am transforming it as an observation of my life and I will not carry those resentments but I finally felt what human beings feel when they feel that way. It is not a nice feeling to have and you certainly don't expect it to come from your family. Truly, there are a copious amount of miscommunications and I am tired of it. I don't want to come back next life time to deal with it either. It is life draining and completely a reality that I get. That's just who they are. I cannot change who they are and they will never be able to change who I am. I just absolutely don't get my parents. I have compassion but I don't understand my dad.
For now I am making to a statement to the universe. I no longer want to be responsible for his ascension and higher self growth. I don't know how to do it in this physical reality. I'm sure there are a million ways but right now I don't feel there is anything that I can do. I need to let it go and stop judging it for what it is. All I can express for him is compassion... because I know he had a tough life. And all I can do also is to connect with his higher self. I can not at this point access his physical self unless by some kind of divine intervention from his higher self, souls, and guardian angels that he wants to explore that concept of letting go and being able to express himself. I do not want to bear the responsibility of helping him evolve. I feel that I personally take too much emotional care for my parents and I cannot handle it anymore. I realized that I started feeling 'guilty' for not being able to help my parents but I cannot let that over take my ability to be compassionate. At some point in adult life, I have to let it go. I also do not want to come back and have to deal with this again. I know everyone has dysfunction in their family... and I didn't realized how much I went through also. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction and I pray that I can relinquish and overcome all my fears. I pray for my parents and for their ability to learn to cooperate, love, and be able to work with one another. Everyone wants the best for their parents.. in fact I don't even care for their approval or support. I don't. I don't need it. I fulfill and nourish my own soul because I can't depend on anyone but myself to make myself feel better. I don't know what's going to happen next... I know my brother and boyfriend supports me. Well, I certainly support myself. If they think I have caused a rift in their family, then hopefully one day they will know my intentions. I always come from good intentions and yes, I admit I like to shake things up when there is no change. I am not afraid to speak my voice and each day I feel like I am becoming more empowered. No longer will I be okay with old ways of thinking. This is not how I envision my reality to be. I have to realize that in this life journey, I cannot force my parents to be in a certain way. As much as I want a happy family, it's all an illusion. Real families have issues and I am no longer afraid to let the world know. I am not afraid to break through the barriers of anonymity and suffering behind closed doors. Feelings are important and I never learned how to fully express myself. With a mute and arrogant father, I didn't learn anything from him except to not be like him. And with a mother who always asserted her righteousness but in a more positive way and wanting to please other people...I too learned that if others are happy around me then I would be happy. But if others were not, then something is wrong with me. When there is absolutely nothing NOTHING wrong with me.
I was thinking how hard this journey through life is... and before you judge me and say oh there's other people who have been through worse. Well yes, there are. Hence, I am very thankful and appreciative always. I truly am but sometimes I just gotta vent.
A few things I have learned from this scenario...
There's one thing that my dad said which rung true: "Don't be like me!" Yup, he's right. He's so hurt that he cannot even put together what the pain was. I have a lot of compassion for what has happened to him... trust me I do. But, we have to evolve as human beings and it's time to garner that power of expression. If we cannot express and fully be ourselves, then we cannot be the best that we can be. Our potentiality is infinite... and our higher selves know that. I wish their higher selves would connect with them and I am sending my angels to their way. I believe in the power of prayer and maybe that's all I can do...
I am reminded by this quote...
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" - Gandhi
Well, instead of gently shaking ... I shook everyone up! Whoops... I got learn from the ET and our space friends. Non-interference. Boy, I just like to dip my nose in everything! Haha...
Thanks for reading! Sending everyone out there prayers...
Oh it's my birthday today and now I am going to go out! I'm not going to let my parents relationships ruin my life.
I have been going through a lot in the last couple of days... It's been interesting. Before I explain what's been going on... I am currently making an appeal to my family. Actually, I am not communicating with my parents because I am sick and tired of the way they talk to each other. I am withdrawing communications with them for now...and even though today is my birthday and so is my mom's...I am standing strong on my actions. It's been a hard lesson to learn but I finally got the idea of not caring so much.
My dad is complete mute, arrogant, emotion-less expressing and completely rude and self-righteous. My mom is a good natured women but a people pleaser, tendency to over dramaticize everything, and complain thus spilling out negativity. I am reminded to have compassion for my parents but this is so incredibly hard... Especially when I believe that human beings need to be constantly evolving. So, I don't understand why people don't work out their issues and try to heal and grow and become a better person. I just don't understand this concept. I know it might sound naive but I am a very hopeful person. I always believe that if anything, I can have at least an impact on my parents...to guide them to new ways of thinking. But the last day and so, instead of being quiet about it, I spoke up and I was very forceful and demanding for an explanation for why this is. Why am I in such a polarized family? How can someone be so cold? How am I suppose to help my parents evolve when one of them is so absolutely cannot beared to be around. And how do I deal with a mom who consistently take the blame for herself and demand that she is the root of all these issues.. so we have one parent who takes the blame and the other who blames everyone else but themselves. It is so hard to get into their frequencies because each time I try I have to try to get to them but I can't. It upsets me and makes me feel powerless because innately I know they have chosen their personas...however still I believe in parallel realities. This sense of alienation in my family has always been felt... they really don't understand where I come from and I really don't understand where they come from. It's like I deliberately chose this family to learn about differences, polarities, and two opposite extremes. Almost like a war... my goodness. How can such things exists...? But they do.
I have never felt betrayal in my life but yesterday was the first time. I am transforming it as an observation of my life and I will not carry those resentments but I finally felt what human beings feel when they feel that way. It is not a nice feeling to have and you certainly don't expect it to come from your family. Truly, there are a copious amount of miscommunications and I am tired of it. I don't want to come back next life time to deal with it either. It is life draining and completely a reality that I get. That's just who they are. I cannot change who they are and they will never be able to change who I am. I just absolutely don't get my parents. I have compassion but I don't understand my dad.
For now I am making to a statement to the universe. I no longer want to be responsible for his ascension and higher self growth. I don't know how to do it in this physical reality. I'm sure there are a million ways but right now I don't feel there is anything that I can do. I need to let it go and stop judging it for what it is. All I can express for him is compassion... because I know he had a tough life. And all I can do also is to connect with his higher self. I can not at this point access his physical self unless by some kind of divine intervention from his higher self, souls, and guardian angels that he wants to explore that concept of letting go and being able to express himself. I do not want to bear the responsibility of helping him evolve. I feel that I personally take too much emotional care for my parents and I cannot handle it anymore. I realized that I started feeling 'guilty' for not being able to help my parents but I cannot let that over take my ability to be compassionate. At some point in adult life, I have to let it go. I also do not want to come back and have to deal with this again. I know everyone has dysfunction in their family... and I didn't realized how much I went through also. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction and I pray that I can relinquish and overcome all my fears. I pray for my parents and for their ability to learn to cooperate, love, and be able to work with one another. Everyone wants the best for their parents.. in fact I don't even care for their approval or support. I don't. I don't need it. I fulfill and nourish my own soul because I can't depend on anyone but myself to make myself feel better. I don't know what's going to happen next... I know my brother and boyfriend supports me. Well, I certainly support myself. If they think I have caused a rift in their family, then hopefully one day they will know my intentions. I always come from good intentions and yes, I admit I like to shake things up when there is no change. I am not afraid to speak my voice and each day I feel like I am becoming more empowered. No longer will I be okay with old ways of thinking. This is not how I envision my reality to be. I have to realize that in this life journey, I cannot force my parents to be in a certain way. As much as I want a happy family, it's all an illusion. Real families have issues and I am no longer afraid to let the world know. I am not afraid to break through the barriers of anonymity and suffering behind closed doors. Feelings are important and I never learned how to fully express myself. With a mute and arrogant father, I didn't learn anything from him except to not be like him. And with a mother who always asserted her righteousness but in a more positive way and wanting to please other people...I too learned that if others are happy around me then I would be happy. But if others were not, then something is wrong with me. When there is absolutely nothing NOTHING wrong with me.
I was thinking how hard this journey through life is... and before you judge me and say oh there's other people who have been through worse. Well yes, there are. Hence, I am very thankful and appreciative always. I truly am but sometimes I just gotta vent.
A few things I have learned from this scenario...
- I have to get my life and shit together.
- I have to let go of trying to control my parents even if it is from very good intentions.
- I have to focus on myself.
- I have to persevere and have the courage to be myself.
- I am no longer responsible for my parents and especially my dad's direct spiritual growth. I do not want to bare the burden of it anymore. I give back the responsibility to God and let the universe assist him. I just can't... it just tears me apart me seeing that we are so disillusioned here but this is why we are here to learn. I cannot be responsible for my parents. I just have to let it go before I become like them.
- I will overcome my own issues and do the best I can to be me.
There's one thing that my dad said which rung true: "Don't be like me!" Yup, he's right. He's so hurt that he cannot even put together what the pain was. I have a lot of compassion for what has happened to him... trust me I do. But, we have to evolve as human beings and it's time to garner that power of expression. If we cannot express and fully be ourselves, then we cannot be the best that we can be. Our potentiality is infinite... and our higher selves know that. I wish their higher selves would connect with them and I am sending my angels to their way. I believe in the power of prayer and maybe that's all I can do...
I am reminded by this quote...
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" - Gandhi
Well, instead of gently shaking ... I shook everyone up! Whoops... I got learn from the ET and our space friends. Non-interference. Boy, I just like to dip my nose in everything! Haha...
Thanks for reading! Sending everyone out there prayers...
Oh it's my birthday today and now I am going to go out! I'm not going to let my parents relationships ruin my life.
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