Ramblings...

I have noticed a pattern in my life in 2013.

Every month, I would have 1-2 days of blank or blah days. During those times, I would feel uninspired, self-defeated, and just low. I let my fears come back a little... it's almost as if they pay a visit every once in a while to shake me up a little. I have realized that is a part of me and that I still have stuff to work on. The other night I was crying. I don't really know why... but tears streamed down my face. I kind of felt like I was also connecting with my oversoul and others who were suffering... it was like I was crying to help them release their resistance. I mean they are a part of me but a different aspect of me. Maybe they are in the past or maybe they are the future... who knows since time is now and only created now. I just felt like I was helping them release... Sometimes I feel like the reason why I have a lot more knowledge of myself and self-empowerment is because I try to connect with my higher selves and so I get more information about what's going on. I have more compassion, hope, love, and faith in the universe. I do not fear death. Oh yes, that is my new realization recently. I do not fear death. I really don't anymore. It was kind of like a release... like it's okay. Everything is going to be fine. Why are we so serious? So what is things don't turn out like how everyone else is? It's alright. But I'm too chill these days...and then sometimes I wonder why I am still here. And then I remember it is because I am so hopeful. I am full of hope and that is a mentality thing. No one had to prove it to me, I just know. I try to shape my experiences so that I only take in what I want to experience - either positive or negative. The only thing I miss about the old me is... the drive. The drive that was driven from fear. Fear actually drives us to do good things and bad things too but it cultivates change because we refocus on what we truly want the world to be. What is it that I desire? I want to empower people but only to empower but not force. I want to give people opportunities to view differently about themselves especially if they have been self-loathing. I guess that is my drive if any. My mind is so powerful these days... I guess I do have one little fear. I fear a little of what I consciously think and subconsciously think... because they manifest and either show up in dream world or real life. I am glad that sometimes they show up in dream world so it doesn't have to happen in real life. I feel like I have to do a bit of cancelling of my thoughts many times. Like I would say aloud 'I know this is happening... or I know this was a belief before.. but now I do not prefer it as my reality.'  Thank goodness! :) Another thing I want to work on is to listen to my own innervoice. I am getting better at it but to be able to pick up the clues better and to listen to myself instead of self-doubting.