Hello Well-Wishers,
It's been a couple of months and so much has happened in my life...
Something momentous in my reality has shifted recently. So much so that my outlook is that I am finally here. I am present. I figured it out. I figured out how to be present and how to take care of my mental mind. So much realizations have occurred in exactly the last 30 days... I don't feel like typing it all up as it seems like a blur now but it was important for my journey. I just wanted to document this...I know maybe it doesn't mean a lot to everyone else but to me it has been mind blowing and ground breaking.
Having said this...I am so thankful for my parents who gave me the opportunity to live. I am so thankful that I can play music and express in those ways. I am even more so thankful to my boyfriend. Because without him, I would not be where I am now. The small things that he have done for me has bettered my life and I just cry thinking about this... because I am so thankful and appreciative. And for once in my adult life, I don't have relationship dramas. I have wonderful friends, a great support system, and I am alive.
I am no longer privy to my fears. I am releasing them and letting them go. Yesterday, I found out that my weight gain over the last 13 years...has been a shield to protect myself. My biggest fears were that I would not survive on my own here on Earth that I would be poor and suffering but that I am not really poor and suffering but that my mind allowed me to think so. I have been adding on weight to ground myself..to protect myself from lifting up too high into the clouds, to not be seen, to not be noticed, and to not be able to be myself completely.
If you want to know the truth... I have been through a lot. I have. A spirit like me has been through quite a lot and I know there are many more who will have felt the same. Now, I am not depressed or anything. I just want to acknowledge my current path and empower myself that I have gone through certain difficult life experiences and that I chose this. I have to take responsibility for every action because if I cannot then I am not in control of my destiny or world. There is so much love and I Just want to keep being myself and sharing love to this world. I am finally feeling peace in my mind and in my heart. I finally am okay with myself failing, falling down, and not being the best. I am finally okay just being myself and loving the spirit that I am who has chosen to be here at this time.
The last few months, I have been "detoxing" from a lot of spiritual gurus and talks. Why? I just felt like it. I just felt like it was time for me to go within along with all my knowledge. And, that is what I feel is essential. We can go searching and taking and looking all our lives and of course we will find things but what if all of it is here right now. I am not talking about physical goods but I am talking about what is all of it is here right now...right now.
I am here. I am here. I am growing. I am expanding. I am working on the best me that I can be.
