My first cold sore appeared to me in late January of last year, 2013. Up until then, I have never had a cold sore in my life and that is 26 years of my life. I presumed I was under a lot of stress because I was under a lot of self-doubt last year. A lot of things were suppose to happen for me and I was superbly mentally stress.
Now, it has come back this year... Why? I don't know why but I suspect it must have to do with things that I have not completely dealt with. I believe there must be alignment between our mind, body, and emotions if we are to be in a balanced healthy state. So when something is off, it is co-created with my other body parts.
I tried looking up for the spiritual symptoms of the cold sore besides the physical symptoms... and it led me to read that it has to do with built up anger and or polar feelings of one self. I have to say, I have been experiencing all of those recently. In fact, a couple days of ago I was in bed rest for 2 1/2 days, not for any physical reasons but for my emotional/mental reasons. I was feeling sad. I just could not get the thought out of my mind. But I recovered on Tuesday and I felt all better. Then, I started to get my cold sore today and I realized that my last cold sore was exactly a year ago. It's amazing how the body remembers...which adds more to the reason of why I have not let go of whatever issues I have.
A few hours ago, I decided to do some self-healing work on myself besides applying copious amount of Abreva, drinking tea, and popping vitamin C pills. I will share some of the videos that I was listening to which helped me shift my mood aka parallel realities much more consciously. I have to remind myself to not give so much attention to my emotions. It's almost like a young baby, I am constantly attending to my negative emotions which is really distracting because I deter myself from achieving my goals... and then I really psst off my boyfriend because he doesn't understand why I choose to be this way. I think the reason why I delve into it is because I do want to know why I choose to be sad sometimes. It's werid. It's almost like a grounding feeling in a way to keep me... feeling like a human. It's like a constant reminder almost of what I went through... The positive thing is that I know that's not what I prefer to feel like so I usually bounce back.
So... through quiet time and meditation... I found out a few things about myself. I believe these are my current themes that I am working on... It's kind of exhausting yet when I get focused it is exhilarating!
1. I have not let go of perfectionism. I am the worst critic of myself. I have let go of judging others but I instead judge myself constantly. It's like I am so aware of everything that I am feeling that I miss the whole point of it all that I am doing. Also, I am developing slight anxiety which is something I again do not prefer. I am anxious about showing people my worth because I fear of possibly being judged. I don't understand because I also then see myself as a third person and wonder... 'what the heck?'
2. Faith. I lack faith in myself. While I see myself as a self-empowered being... my faith in myself sometimes wane. It's like I don't know why but I have faith in everything else but in myself...
3. Receive. All my early part of my life, I felt myself being a great 'giver.' As a child, I innately unconsciously knew how giving would make other people happy which in turn made me happy. But... I never learned how to receive or even ask for help. I was taught to be independent and to do it all on my own. Now when I practise ask and you shall receive! I ask... but I don't allow myself to align with the frequencies of receiving. I realized I keep counteracting what I am asking for... I am learning to believe that I do deserve the things that I want and that it's okay to ask for help.
4. Relationships. My life has shifted a lot in terms of relationships... In the early years of my life....school-age to teenage years, I was active in forming and maintaining friendships and relationships with people. I was a social butterfly until depression hit me hard all of a sudden. I did not know how to express my feelings and I could not explain myself... I was too darn scared to share my feelings with my friends and so I went on a journey to heal myself through my own ways of doing it. Now, I am learning how to build relationships once again... and it's been interesting. I want to be a better friend and colleague. I just know that I am a great person but I keep holding myself back.
5. I was listening to a Bashar video on youtube... and it got me thinking that I am very arrogant. :/ Actually, I'm quite stubborn too. In the video, the woman was explaining how she can't possibly make money out of passions - painting and writing. Bashar then told her she is being arrogant because she is singling herself out to be the only person in the universe that cannot have all that she wants to have and be. Which then got me thinking... why I sometimes feel like that too. Why don't I just allow? It's time to allow the possibilities... if you can think it then you can achieve it was a quote I heard of a while ago. Here is that video clip:
6. Fear of being... judged again.
7. Eating... cravings... feeling emotional... giving in. Yup, I have realized that I have to go back to straight clean eating. When I did that it gave me clarity.
So I am now going to work on all of this! I have so many goals that I have created this year which will require me to...
1. Let go of perfectionism and the how.
2. Have absolute faith.
3. Be open to receive in all forms because yes means yes and no means yes.
4. Make connections and share my beingness with others.
5. Not placing myself in any 'special circumstance'... or that I have to be in a different way to be me.
6. Letting go of fear of judgement.
7. Eating clean and occasionally indulging on sweets.
So these are my mental health / emotional goals for the year. So much to do! : )
Here are the videos I used for my meditation and healing:
Arcturian Key Code (Releasing Fear)
Bashar - Healing & Letting Go with Beethoven
Bashar - Blue Light Technique of Healing & Letting Go
