I am Tested...

Hi Well-Wishers,

I have been really tested since yesterday. I feel that I am quite sensitive to family drama lately and when I feel injustice, I do stand up for either myself or for my closer family members.

But yesterday I was reminded to just 'let it be'. To just let go of that drama and to not get involved. It honestly bothers me but I realized I have to let other people figure out what they want to do and make their own choices. Sometimes when you see the path of fixing something, others just don't get it. More often, they won't be able to see your vision either.

Today, I will work on letting things go. Letting go of the past and letting things be. Again, I can only control myself and my own reactions and so I'm not really producing harmony if I am also adding fuel to the fire. I said what I had to say and that's it. I don't want to be a complainer because that is what I am realizing myself to be. That's not what I want to be coming from.

Literally, there's appears to be drama around me always with family. I am going to shift my mind into thinking that these are not dramas but life experiences that people need to go through.

I need to be there as a support system and that's what I need to remind myself so I don't get caught up in the windstorm. Anyways, I just needed to vent a little.

On a side note, I have been really interested in psychic medium stuff lately. I have no idea why. I just don't know why I am interested in these things. I am going to see an angel intuitive today! I hope to get some insights on what is going on and what will happen in the coming Fall. Ultimately I know everything is up to me and my thoughts but it's good to get an idea of what I truly need to continue working on and progressing.

*Breathes*

Breathes...

A colleague of mind today suggested that I read up about Joe Dispenza. I have only heard of him maybe 1-2 times and that's from the HayHouse website but I don't know much about him.

I sense my colleague is wanting to help me overcome my thinking and thoughts. She wants me to find the job that I am meant to have. A part of me feels a bit defeated because now other people have to help me and they also know that my thoughts are not in alignment with what I want. I feel anxious that other people 'know.' Isn't that interesting? Now I know why when I first did my tarot card reading the other day that I got the word 'defeat.'

So I'm going to take a deep breath and instead of being stubborn about how I can handle and do this all on my own. I am going to give a go at what my colleague would like me to hear from Joe Dispenza. I know I am the creator of the universe and I have not admitted to my colleagues that in the beginning, I did not want the job. I just did not because there were a lot of other emotional things occurring in my reality and I created many scenarios to not go for it. I don't know why... and now of course I have to deal with the consequences of not following through my passions. I want it so bad now and I have to let go of a lot of my beliefs and feelings that have built up in the last couple of months. I believe teaching is my passion and so I guess it's surprising everyone how I am currently not teaching. Well, I am going to change this. I am on my way to physically manifesting a position. I just know it!

Today, I went to a truly inspiring workshop and I just love everything about it! I am truly thankful to have amazing colleagues who want me to grow and learn with them and take me under their wing. Maybe I have not been so honest with myself... perhaps I have been feeling a bit shy. Perhaps I have been feeling that I don't qualify. But all these feelings are fears... fears that I allowed myself to feel and thus manifest into frustration and disappointment. I will be accepting my degree in one week! I am very proud of myself and I should be. It's always been a struggle for me to acknowledge myself and love myself for accomplishing so much. But this time I will be because I did it for me.

Anyways, I feel like I'm jumping everywhere today but it's my blog so I can do whatever I want with it.  I'm going to check out Joe Dispenza and update on it tonight. I know I am a great manifestor because I have manifested so many things in life. I am letting go of my past. I am letting go of what I could of and should of done. I am not perfect but I am perfectly me. I am deserving of a teaching job because I know I will make a huge difference! :)

I just realized that I am 'insecure.' I am worried that everything is 'too late' because all the others have done it ahead of me or before me. *breathes* This is not serving me and I would like to let it go. I let it go. It's that self-sabotage again. But I will be nice to myself and not let myself get into the habit of picking on me. How can I have so much compassion for others yet do not have compassion for myself?  It doesn't make sense.