New Year & New Beginnings!!!

Hello Friends,

Happy New Year!!!

I am so excited for 2014 to come!

This year, I have been a little more proactive and have made a list of all the things that I want to achieve with action plans next to the goals. Wishful thinking can only get you so far but taking action will propel you further.

Surprisingly, a lot of my goals have been the same things that I have been thinking about for the whole year and now I am going to take a leap of faith and make them happen. I know some of the goals are seemingly bigger but I am going to give equal value to all of them. Again, it is all in my mindset so I am not going to hold myself back because of my physical mind's interpretation of how to do things.

I felt like 2013 was a year of many great learnings and although nothing too significant in my career happened... I felt like my personal relationships with my family/friends and myself have drastically changed. I feel more free and less confined to my own personal issues and I am able to easily let go of a lot of other people's issues... not making them into mine!

At the beginning of the year, I went through relationship hell. At the end of 2012, I had such bright prospects and everything I was doing was going great until my relationship(s) fell apart. It took a huge toll on me physically, mentally, and spiritually. I felt like I had hit depression once again and I kept physically manifesting illness. On top of that, my accidentally spilled water on my laptop which resulted in me not having a computer to use for several months. I don't remember doing a lot but in hindsight I learned a lot from those experiences.

My relationship taught me several things...
- How to communicate better as a partner and to show affection and gifts because guys need it too!
- How to have more self-worth and value for myself
- How to not depend on anyone for your own happiness, well I never did but something I learned from others.
- Listening to my higher self and trusting my visions (That was a big one! It was the first time that my higher self really spoke to me and guided me... amazing) What a relevation!
- How much control I have in my relationship... I am quite the storyteller and manipulator but in a good way! I mean, I basically mapped out how I want my relationship to be...
- I forgave and I let go of the past. I knew I did not want to perpetuate anger and hate... It's not who I am anymore and I feel so enlightened that I can do that.
- Never take relationships for granted... not that I did but surely you must make sure you understand and check in how your partner is feeling
- Fights are good for a relationship...we learn more about each other and more about ourselves!
- Make sure you resolve all fights straight away and do not let it build up! This process always allowed us to make up and let go of the past.
- Learning how to express our feelings and be our true selves. I feel more like myself now that my partner understands me more. Although we are different in every way, we are similar in that we love one another.
- Being in the moment is what makes our relationship like ecstasy!
- Ask and remind yourself, 'Are we having fun?' and if you answer no then you're both probably being too serious... especially in fights!

There's more but I learned a lot through this experience and I am thankful for it as it has allowed me to relate with a few others who are also struggling.

- - -

I sort of went through depression again... but not as drastic as before. It crept by and tagged along as I was feeling sorry for myself because I thought I had already dealt with depression and had let it go. I just did not feel good for the first half of the year in 2013. I was not able to find work (although I realized now that I just could not focus on it as I was working through other things) and I was beating myself up... I was also getting really sick each week with menstrual issues, sleeping deficits, cold sores, memory lapse... Ya, a lot of things.

I can attribute to the energy shifts that are going through my body... sure why not. It is probably a combination of many things so basically a lot of the first part of 2013, I was sorting out my internal struggles.

What I learned from having small lapses of depression is this...
- Depression is just a form of expression so do not be afraid of having emotions
- Just because you are over with your depression, does not mean that when it comes back then there is something wrong with you
- I learned to integrate depression as a part of me and transformed it into something positive...
- The most positive thing I got was from sharing with others of how I went through depression and how it has changed my life in a positive and advocating to others about being okay with having emotions
- I learned to accept the fact that once in awhile these feelings of self-worthlessness and hopelessness will come back but to realize that it is a part of me and to let it pass through me. It is a part of my journey and I need to embrace it because every experience is a learning opportunity in my eyes...
- I learned that many people go through depression and that we are not alone in the process
- It is okay to have emotions! We don't need to put up the front of being aggressive and emotionless... who are we serving if we put up a fake front? It's okay to have problems. Everyone does!
- I learned to ask for help...
- Ya, that was the hardest because I always thought I was quite self-reliant but I mean... to ask for help as in to be okay with people wanting to help you.
- I learned that I am sensitive and that I am okay with being a sensitive person. If I want to cry, then I will cry. If I don't want to, then I won't.
- I have learned to process my emotions a bit more and to be okay with feeling sad or not wanting to go out. I am perfectly fine saying, I need my down time and chill out time.
- My way of getting out of depression was to empower myself... I have learned that one of my life purposes is to educate young children or teens on how to empower themselves. It's a powerful mind mentality tool.
- I have also let go of a lot of judgement and gossip. It is amazing how much your mind clears up when those things aren't a part of your focus. I will still take a critical stance and make a professional sound judgement when it is needed in my professional practice but no longer will I want to contribute it personally. It is draining. It is none of my business. If a friend needs help, then I am all there. If not, then I will not intrude. However, if it is something that I don't feel right about or something that I believe is worth advocating for, then I will not hold back.
- I feel a lot smarter. I mean not about book smart but in general about life smarts. I just feel smarter in terms of how I handle situations...
- I have also learned how to discern which realities I wish to buy into and which ones I don't. It's not about ignoring but it is simply a matter of focus. There are consequences to each action whether it be positive and negative and I have simply learned how to shift better. I am not perfect at it but I am more consciously aware of my thoughts and ideas... For example, when it comes to me viewing a certain event or problem... I will now consciously avoid judgement and instead send loving energy and also I will say aloud to the universe that that is something that I don't prefer in my reality. It is a preference as I give equal power to both realities. I just don't want to leave a thought that I don't prefer unattended. It's because the universe is always listening to what I am saying and alot of things manifest quickly! It's almost as if I am learning in turbo speed. I am learning so fast about my own beingness and about human beings in general so it is all quite exciting.
- I have summed up two thoughts about human beings... all love. Except some of us have distorted views on love which manifests into negative events. So, it's all love. We all have emotions and we all care about something. Because if we did not, then we would just be like floating specs in space and we would not be here on Earth. So if you're on Earth, then you have feelings of care even if it is in decimal amounts! Remember, when there is darkness, it only takes a little light to guide the way. That's what I feel depression has lead me to... I lit my own lamp and guided my way out and met many more friends!

Well, there's more but that's all I can think of now. I use a lot of metaphors...

Most importantly, I am learning how to balance out my life at this moment. It is never going to be perfect and while I still have my ego issues, I am working out the kinks in my life and enjoying the simple things in life... such as having gratitude, being appreciative, and simply just sending out love energy to each and energy being.

New things to work on...

Well, I have a whole list and I intend to start on them... actually I am starting on them now! But I intend to make them happen so that I can add on new goals and dreams in 2015. I mean, if time is all now then anything can happen. I truly believe that anything that I wish for or desire will come true. So far, many of them have come true at various intervals and timing, and I am always amazed at what there is to offer. I am truly thankful for my own body, mind, heart, and spirit. :*) May we continue working together next year and growing in many happy and productive ways!

As Bashar says, there are infinite number of parallel realities... which are you going to choose?

I am consciously asking that question...hence I conclude that I am always creating my reality because of this belief. Let's create more fun, exciting, and exhilarating life experiences! Wooooooo :*) 

Just want to get something off my mind...

My energy has been steadily high recently which has been amazing!

But of course, being here on Earth, I will inevitably encounter personal earth-family issues... It's just part of the journey.

The one thing that absolutely pssts me off is...

'when people spread their fears to other people and create drama and lies for themselves and on others...'

Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of compassion for people and I absolutely understand that most likely their past experiences are the reasons for why they act and behave this way. But I feel that I can only extend my energy to some and besides, I am in no authority to tell them what to do or to be in a certain way either.

The incidence that occurred today was another learning experience about the above. I can now sense manipulation, lies, and fear instantaneously. It's like my radar senses go up and I can call out on people's lies and intentions even if they are asleep or unaware of their intentions.

So this incidence has to do with 'nosy, drama-creating family members who have taken their fears, transformed it to victimhood, and they believe that they are helping others by warning others about things that are all based on their fears'. Basically, asking questions, creating gossip, spreading lies, and finding problems in other people's lives. Like, I know this family member is trying to help, but passing on her fears and making assumptions is plain out tiring. I do have to say she is quite old but still... That's why my family avoids connecting with them but I cannot do much if I accidentally bump into them on the streets.

I know I did the right thing by telling her to really mind her own business because I also mind my own business. I remember my grandma telling me not to be a gossiper and that certain people are and one of them is her! Anyways, I just redirected her questions to something else...

I later did tell my parents what happened because she really bothered me by trying to extract information from me about my family so that she can go around and create lies based on what my reactions would be. Anyways... I am not afraid to speak up so I really don't care.

My own issue that I have is with myself at this moment... I wonder... why am I bothered about this?

According to Bashar, reality is an illusion so all of this is an illusion. All illusion has no meaning unless we give it a meaning and effect. So I am feeling very annoyed, disgusted, mentally heavy, and heart heavy. I don't know if I took in some of her energy and have recreated some of it on myself to show me something or that I am just shifting very slowly... It just bugs me that there are people out there who are even worse!

I did learn that I do not choose to accept her reality, so these feelings have reconfirmed for me that I do not buy into her fearful reality. I do pray for her ongoing spiritual growth and self-love. I gave her many genuine praises and I redirected her fears... I know she has a kind heart but her fear is so strong that it is kind of affecting me. I don't really understand my emotions. It is just kind of blah and I do not want to waste my day tomorrow by having a 'blah' day!

I know going out into the real world... I will encounter these circumstances. I know I am just readjusting my energy once again. Bashar also says that since we are an extension of source, we are the physical experience, and thus experience is really just in our consciousness. For some reason, I am allowing myself to experience this heaviness... maybe I am just connecting back to Earth more through this way. Well, I know the physical mind is not going to be able to figure out what's happening until it has happened... But ya, I just feel really heavy and distorted. However, at this moment I am going to let it go. It does not serve me anymore and I am done feeling this way. I cannot make other people be who they are not the vibration of and I have to find my peace again.

Everything is in our mind. If I had not perceived it in that way, then maybe I would interpret it differently. It's just so darn tricky somethings when emotions are involved. It's like 'why am I feeling this way??? It doesn't make sense!'

So the realization from this experience is this...

1. Many people are stuck in fear, anger, hate which is an misinterpretation of who they really are. Who they really are is love but the only way they have learned how to express love is through the dissemination of fear... and sometimes unconsciously or unknowingly. They think they are helping but they are just projecting their fears. If people buy into it, then those people will feed into their fears. Well, then those people can be best friends and they will have their life experiences. For me, I am learning to let go of them continuously because those ideologies don't serve me anymore. And because I am still living on Earth as a human being at this time, I will continually encounter fear-based belief systems because there is 'polarity' on Earth. It's all good. I just have to remind myself to step out of the fears so that I can get a overall understanding of what's really going on.

2. I'm getting emotional because there is a idea or belief of something that I have about the situation. I think I am generally psst and angry at the fact that I am feeling this way. Why am I allowing myself to feel down when it is NOT even about me... See, that's the point. It's not even about me! Aha! WTF.

3. Letting it go and not letting it effect my day. It's scenarios like this that bug me many times and I internally get really annoyed and frustrated. I just find peace in my mind and heart but my physical surroundings are sometimes loud and annoying.

4. I am appreciative and thankful for the many different aspects and perspectives that was shown to me. This adds to my empowerment feelings about myself because then I can make choices of what I want to or not want to believe in. We are internal beings and this is just one part of our whole being. Not to diminish our importance and significance here because we are learning how to be manifestors here but to remember that if we are too serious, then what's the fun? I wish the world would lighten up a little and let go the past and fears. Even for 1 minute of silence...

Thanks for listening :)

Quick Update! - Synchronicities, Being in the Moment, Counselling, Smiling

Just wanted to jot somethings down before I forget...

Lately I have been receiving a lot of 'deja vu' moments and that is exciting! They occur at random times and usually when I am in conversation with someone.

I had lit my candles on about an hour ago and they are sitting near me. Just now I was focused on another thought and as I shifted my head over towards the candle, it seemed like they all tuned off and on. I don't think it would of mattered much but it caught me off guard. I know we are constantly shifting parallel realities but at that moment's time, I felt like I was in a reality where the candles weren't on and until I shifted back into the reality that they were on, then they lit back up! So, it's very interesting.

The other day, I was shopping at the mall and while walking I thought of my girlfriend from elementary school. We haven't seen each other in years and suddenly when I switched my focus onto my walking, we catch each others eyes! Of course I walked up to her and told her 'Omg, I was just thinking of you!' Talk about synchronicity and timing!

I am much better at being in the moment nowadays. This, I am truly thankful for because I am going with the natural flow of things... allow the universe to bring me what needs to come. I can tell that I speak from my heart a lot of these days. For example, if there is something that I feel strongly about, I am not afraid to speak up. Or if there is advice that I can give, I let my higher mind do the thinking and go with the flow. I think that is the art of channelling, just allowing the energy to flow through and be the best you can to assist others.

I have noticed that many people are revealing secrets to me... reminds me of the days in highschool when I was many people's 'counsellor.' It's kind of nostalgic and I appreciate everything trusting me and feeling comfortable that they can share their deepest fears and secrets with me. I sort of realized that one of the reasons why I am such a great listener is because I am genuinely there to listen. I put aside judgement and I ask questions to further thinking. I want to listen and be there. So, that is something that anybody can be in too but many people still think talking about their feelings and emotions is petty stuff. For me, it's not. I went through depression to learn that it is okay to have emotions and I am not afraid to tell others that now. I know how powerful words, unspoken languages, and thought energies are so I am always conscious of emitting what I want others to feel... I generally do tune into other people's energy or thoughts and that's probably why I understand or have compassion a lot more. I have learned to separate my own thoughts versus theirs so that's always a good skill to have. I am always learning. I really wanted to work on being a better friend so these opportunities have allowed me to reflect on the fact that I can be a great friend without being an overwhelmed feeling friend who dissociates and run away because of feeling too emotional. Okay, fun on sentences... but that's what I mean!

2014 is a new year... for which I am glad for it to come! 2013 has been a tough year for myself... I am shirting away from that reality as I am done with it. Too many illnesses, sadnesses, low-confidence, isolation, etc... It's not the life that I am meant to live. This year, I envision myself overcoming a lot of my fears because the only person holding me back is ---- myself. No one else can hold me back except for me. I am so thankful for everything and everyone.

I just wanted to add one more thing...

Everywhere I go, I get strangers smiling at me. It is because I deliberately send out energetic thoughts and feelings of happiness... I am not kidding. I mean, if I am the creator of my reality then why would I allow one person to ruin my day? So instead of waiting for others to show me first, I show it first and usually people respond well! It's really amazing how a simple smile can really uplift your day!

On that note I also realized another thing... whenever I start to disappear from social networks or just talking to friends then I know my mental state of mind needs a cleansing. It's a good reminder to know that about myself. It doesn't necessarily mean a weakness because I am a strong being. It just means that I am bogged down by my own mental thoughts and I need to clear out the clutter. :)

Let it go...Let it go... You can only be the best you can be!

UFO WITNESS DECLARATION

http://www.bashar.org/UFO_Witness_Declaration.pdf


UFO WITNESS DECLARATION

FACT: From 1982 to 1985, large triangular and boomerang-shaped UFOs were
reported over the Hudson Valley by over 7,000 credible witnesses, including
police and officials at the Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant.
FACT: In 1989 and 1990, large triangular and rectangular unidentified flying
objects, one the size of an aircraft carrier, were reported over Belgium by over
2,000 witnesses, including police and military personnel.
FACT: In 1997, multiple sightings of a mile long boomerang-shaped UFO were
reported over the state of Arizona by over 10,000 witnesses, including police,
military personnel and Republican Governor Fife Symington.

We make no claims as to the nature or origin of these UFOs. However, those
who have taken the time and effort to conduct serious, in-depth investigations
into these reports know that these sightings are of real, physical crafts and are
indisputable FACTS. Thousands of such sightings of physical crafts of unknown
origin have been reported throughout the world for decades by credible
witnesses, yet most who report such sightings are treated with ridicule, disbelief,
scorn and even threats.

In light of the facts, we who have witnessed such unexplained crafts no 
longer accept this cynical mindset as realistic or credible.

Those of us who are witnesses to the UFO phenomenon know they exist for a
fact. This is not an issue of speculation for such witnesses. However, we do not
insist that non-witnesses must believe such objects exist, only that witnesses be
treated with respect and that we deserve the same fairness and courtesy
afforded to any individual or group who honestly expresses their point of view
without fear of ridicule, punishment or persecution.
Recent polls clearly demonstrate that more than 50% of Americans believe that
UFOs are a real phenomenon that deserves legitimate recognition and serious
study by open-minded, qualified scientists, rather than being summarily
dismissed as misperceptions, fantasies, hoaxes or hallucinations by cynical,
unqualified debunkers. Over 36 million Americans have seen a UFO.

To put this statistic in political terms, these witnesses are also voters.

Therefore, we urge all who agree with the spirit of this declaration to send copies
of this letter to their representatives, public officials, the media, the police, the
military, airline officials, NASA and all candidates running for any public office to
assure them that our votes will go only to those who acknowledge the UFO
phenomenon as real and deserving of serious scientific investigation and who
publicly endorse fairness and respect toward any witness who reports a UFO.

Happy Holidays!

I felt suddenly inspired to write at this moment so I thought I would come by...

This blog is really a personal reflection blog. While it's main purpose is more of an online diary keepsake, it is also helping me to share my voice, ideas, and feelings. So I welcome you if you have just stopped by! :)

I have been in really good spirits recently or since December has rolled along and I have noticed a few things about myself... which is most likely the reason why I am happy.

1. I am communicating more with people and generally responding back to conversations.
2. I am speaking up and voicing my opinions. No longer do I feel afraid and when I hold back from speaking up it is generally because I either don't feel the need to elaborate more on it or it's not worth my time. 
3. I am baking cookies and making chocolate truffles. I have never baked for friends and family per se so it's been quite fun!
4. I am continually amazed by my boyfriend... he is ever so much more calming, understanding, and patient around me. I feel like a part of me has rubbed up on him. I have figured out one of the secrets of our relationship... it is because every moment that I am with him... I am in the moment. Obviously every couple have problems but we usually solve it straight away and let it go. Communication is the most important thing and we really value and cherish each opportunity we are alive and around each other. The other day I told him: 'I feel so lucky that we agreed to be on Earth at this time together!' Indeed I do and I am thankful for the co-creation of our love. 
5. I am gaining more confidence in myself... I am still working on my mentality but that is and will be an ongoing work of art. I feel more confident as people have been reflecting back to me what I need to see in myself. What do you do when so many people have confidence in you but you don't believe in yourself? It's a little sad so I am gaining more confidence. It's not that I am not confidence but when it comes to my contribution to the world.. then I don't give myself enough credit.
6. I have been winning the lottery every week since December... even though it is only $20 per a week... I still feel very appreciative and thankful. Any win is a win and I have never won one right after the other this many times... Each time that I have won I have given it away... I mean it's just fun for me. I have big dreams and surely and surely they are all coming... just coming in unexpected timing and ways. I feel so lucky that the universe is reflecting back to me what I am feeling and thinking. I do feel more at ease and I am playing for fun! It's just fun. 
7. I feel gratitude everyday. It's actually makes me tear up and I am truly thankful for everything and everyone. I am even thankful for those who I don't like for they are showing me what I don't want to be...
8. It's hard to describe but... when you know you are the creator of your reality, then you just feel the freedom. You feel the freedom in your heart. It flutters and no one can take it away from you. Even if I was in a terrible place... albeit whatever physical conditions... I know my mentality is something that I have crafted myself. If there's one thing that I have learned as a human is that no one can replace or takeover your mentality. That is sacred in your mind, body, and soul. Once you find the connection to it all, then you will recognize all the other parts and their significant in your life. 
9. Everyday I am learning. I keep learning. I am teaching and learning. I am a wonderful person. I truly believe that and it is not from an egotistical point of view... it is because I see other people as wonderful people too and so I see myself that way too.
10. I feel a lot of big things are going to come about in the next year... I have dreams, desires, and lots of things to celebrate next year! I never know when I am going to leave... because I don't know if I will be back next life time. I feel like I get a lot of the stuff here now... and although I am still figuring it all out... I don't know if I will be back on Earth. So it is really important to me at this time that I do what excites me and go for my dreams. The Earth is my playground and I believe we are all here to dream, create, achieve, and be ourselves. I mean it's a lot to juggle cause everything is so compartmentalized but I am putting together my own puzzle. It's kind of fun.
11. I don't know everything that I am okay with that. I am okay with the fact that I will not know how to help everyone or to fix the world's problems. I will just try my best to do what I can and that's all I can do. I help what I feel passionate about. I really don't have time to try to fix everyone because no one is perfect... That's just the truth. There are a lot of people out in the world trying to tell people who they should be, who to believe in, and what they should dress, eat, wear... etc... I mean it's all good if that's what excites you to do but for me I have let that go. I have let go anything that oppresses people and disempowers them. If the energy falls somewhere around there or even FEAR then well I wish them the best of luck. You gotta be smart and not just believe in everything just because you don't have the answers to everything. 
12. I have many wonderful people in my life and I am learning how to be a better friend... I was a great friend to many others before.. and then I realized I wasn't being a good friend to myself.. now that I am learning how to be my own friend.. I am learning again how to balance that so that I don't get left behind or leave my friends behind. I am lucky that I have my boyfriend who is very opposite of me to show me how... he is a great and loyal friend and that is a treasure. 
13. I am okay with myself! I have finally accepted that I am not going to be like everyone else... I have always felt like I have slowed down. Everyone is ahead of me... yknow getting married, engaged, having a house, building their future etc... and compared to me I have nothing materialistic. I have more richness in mentality and love than materialistic things. Actually that's not bad but I do desire them too. So I have let go that I am not like them and I will not be like them. I just learn differently. I just do things differently. I guess I figured out that I do things differently to be an example for others. Well, I have learned to be okay with that. I am me and that's all I can be. 

I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

I don't always choose to share everything but today I feel extremely thankful. Everything that I have ever envisioned or desired always comes true... I am learning how to be more conscious of my thoughts and beliefs as I believe everything is a reflection of ourselves and it all depends on how we interpret it. Love Love Love 

If I am crazy then I would rather be crazy then normal. : ) 

By the way, I want to share something fun about me...

I am a girl and of course in this materialistic world... who doesn't want some pretty things! I love Chanel and well I just love the energy and embodiment of wearing or owning something Chanel. I don't care if it's called 'materialistic'... I mean it's really old school thought anyways. It is true that materialistic things can't make you happy and it is evident that I do not base my happiness on that... I base it on my mentality and beliefs. And I also believe that Chanel reflects sophistication, elegance, dedication, and commitment to oneself. When you value yourself then you have value to offer to the world. Anyways, it's just fun! So I love Chanel! I dream of going on a Chanel shopping spree one day... :*) 

Difference.

Life has been filled with many synchronistic moments...

I know if I put my thought into it more then I can experience more but I am always amazed when what I am thinking... becomes reality.

I had a silent thought come to me today.

I do make a difference.

I am making a difference.

And so are you.

Creating drama

Hello,

I just wanted to step back a little and just look at the bigger picture from a calmer point of view...

Yesterday, I accidentally got involved into other people's drama. Because I cared, I got rejected, and pretty much got hurt from trying to help other people. I think it is because I genuinely wanted to help and that is why I feel so distraught from it all. I'm not going to go into it but basically I somehow attracted myself drama and created drama for myself.

A lot of the times when we are involved in drama, we don't realize it is drama. Now I am suffering from it because I created it all in my head. I'm laughing at my self for forgetting to be conscious of my thoughts and feelings and asking myself 'Is this fun? Is this too serious?'

There are a few things that I learned from yesterday and although the aftermath of it is me having a bad day and going through physical pain (crying, headaches, pms)... I always try to find a positive spin on everything or at least extract some information from the events that occurred.

1. Manipulation: I always believe in the good in people and I still very much so do. But yesterday was the first time I've ever witnessed and felt the energy of manipulation. Perhaps those people are truly being themselves and I probably judged them to be mean-spirited... but I just feel in my heart that that is not what I want in my life. It's true... who am I to judge? It's their life but if I witnessed it and was a part of it then I can have some say.

What I learned:
- Let it go. They are who they are and you are who you are.
- Their issues and not yours. Don't take other people's twisted problems into your life and feel like you have to help them.
- Move away from people who just don't rub you the right way. You knew about this so you were just shocked that's all.

2. Other people's drama: Do not get involved into other people's drama unless it is about you. It's hard because I always want to help but honestly, you cannot fix their problems. Only they can. Even if you have good intentions, if the frequency and energy does not match then it feels like you're against them.

What I learned:
- Stay away from drama physically. Just walk away.
- Don't let it be a reason for you to fight with others. It is not worth it.
- You are most likely right but they are not in the position to hear your words. No matter what, you'll sound like you're against them.
- Don't let the affect you so much.

- - -

I let my emotions get to me yesterday because I do not tolerate being mistreated. I have learned to speak up for myself and for what I want. Why am I creating a victim role? I'm not. I am standing up for myself because I do not let other people who feel that they can just treat people in such a way. But I am going to let it go and move on. It's their drama. It's other people's drama.

What i learned:
- STOP TAKING IT ALL IN!
- STOP ABSORBING THEIR ENERGY because you are so SENSITIVE! Get a grip.
- Just because someone does something you do not think is right... doesn't mean you should judge them and deem that only your way is right. Sigh...

Anyways, just wanted to remind myself. This year has been learning how to integrate other people's drama so they don't affect yours and your relationship with your loved ones. It's hard because my only true intention is to help but other people either don't want help or aren't ready for it.

In the process of it, I forgot about myself and got too deep. It's good to be connected to Earth's problems so that I feel a bit more connected but it's too much. The dense energy is too much for me and I can only swallow so much. Luckily, these things only happen once awhile. I live as drama free as I can so this swing of things is just giving me another perspective of what things are.

I know not all my friends are awake... some of them still numb themselves with alcohol at parties to get away from daily life issues, a lot of them do not want to express emotions because they don't want to be judged weak and vulnerable, and many are in fear from their hurts. They are in fear of what will happen if they express their emotions and truly confront their demons whether it is relationship, work, career, or family relationships.  Yesterday revealed a lot to me that they are still working on it. So, I have to lower my energy just a little so that I can understand and be there for them. That is the trick. You can't just always assert your righteousness on everyone... everyone is going through their own life experience and having their own stories. I am blessed to have an enlightened mind and to be able to see through all the illusions... and sometimes I get caught up in it because I care about my friends. They bring me up to when I don't understand some of Earth's issues... I am not separating my self from Earth but I say it is an Earth issue because I believe all these dramas are really created by humans here on earth: fear, hate, anger, ... that's what I mean. Anyways, I want to remind myself of this quote:

Ramblings...

I have noticed a pattern in my life in 2013.

Every month, I would have 1-2 days of blank or blah days. During those times, I would feel uninspired, self-defeated, and just low. I let my fears come back a little... it's almost as if they pay a visit every once in a while to shake me up a little. I have realized that is a part of me and that I still have stuff to work on. The other night I was crying. I don't really know why... but tears streamed down my face. I kind of felt like I was also connecting with my oversoul and others who were suffering... it was like I was crying to help them release their resistance. I mean they are a part of me but a different aspect of me. Maybe they are in the past or maybe they are the future... who knows since time is now and only created now. I just felt like I was helping them release... Sometimes I feel like the reason why I have a lot more knowledge of myself and self-empowerment is because I try to connect with my higher selves and so I get more information about what's going on. I have more compassion, hope, love, and faith in the universe. I do not fear death. Oh yes, that is my new realization recently. I do not fear death. I really don't anymore. It was kind of like a release... like it's okay. Everything is going to be fine. Why are we so serious? So what is things don't turn out like how everyone else is? It's alright. But I'm too chill these days...and then sometimes I wonder why I am still here. And then I remember it is because I am so hopeful. I am full of hope and that is a mentality thing. No one had to prove it to me, I just know. I try to shape my experiences so that I only take in what I want to experience - either positive or negative. The only thing I miss about the old me is... the drive. The drive that was driven from fear. Fear actually drives us to do good things and bad things too but it cultivates change because we refocus on what we truly want the world to be. What is it that I desire? I want to empower people but only to empower but not force. I want to give people opportunities to view differently about themselves especially if they have been self-loathing. I guess that is my drive if any. My mind is so powerful these days... I guess I do have one little fear. I fear a little of what I consciously think and subconsciously think... because they manifest and either show up in dream world or real life. I am glad that sometimes they show up in dream world so it doesn't have to happen in real life. I feel like I have to do a bit of cancelling of my thoughts many times. Like I would say aloud 'I know this is happening... or I know this was a belief before.. but now I do not prefer it as my reality.'  Thank goodness! :) Another thing I want to work on is to listen to my own innervoice. I am getting better at it but to be able to pick up the clues better and to listen to myself instead of self-doubting.

John of God - My views on him!

Hello Everyone!

I got a little interested in John of God the other day and I thought I would share MY VIEW on him.

You can find him everywhere on the internet so I am not going to go on about him too much except. John of God is known to channel various entities to assist and help people aid their ailments. He is not a doctor but claims that the various entities that he channels were previous well-known doctors who want to assist earth humans and that is their chosen way of helping. Oprah has interviewed him and he has helped heal Wayne Dyer! You can find out all about the methods and ways he helps people to heal online.

Here are a few videos about John of God.

The very first time I heard about John of God was probably about two years ago? I cannot remember exactly but up until then I have never heard of anyone that can heal people by sight or touch. It obviously intrigued me because anything of the supernatural interests me... I was thinking, my god that is amazing! How does someone do that? Is it possible to do that? I was superbly curious as I had family members that were suffering themselves and I was thinking... I need to bring them there one day!

Then my next exposure to John of God was through this lady's website who was claiming that John of God is a parasite or part of a ponzee scheme? I cannot exactly remember but you can read about it here. It sure does another perspective... which is quite interesting!

Okay, so I must tell you that you have to be smart and make discernments on everything that you read. I am no joking! Even if it sounds like a truth, you need to see it with a bigger picture in mind and not succumb through fear. So what is my view on John of God based on seeing both sides of the coin and possible more? 

Well, I believe John of God have very good intentions. Why? He is serving humanity but coming into this lifetime with some higher agreements with other spirits/entities and allowing them to use him as a vessel to provide miracles or hope feelings for human beings. This largely works when people do not see themselves as powerful or empowered beings as it provides some hope in the world because innately deep inside they know that there is something greater than what is currently here on earth. 

So that's my first view and I think if anyone who is stuck in this reality needs some help with releasing their current belief systems of stress, anxiety, depression, anger, hate, and etc... then by all means use it. As Bashar say, it is another permission slip to be more of yourself because if we loved ourselves truly then we wouldn't create resistance and fear in ourselves. So I can see how he can benefit many others. 

However!

If you cannot read his words correctly then let me tell you this... From my point of view... John of God is actually not really saying that he cures people. He is providing the atmosphere, the environment, and the way to mentality clear your thoughts into healing yourself. All this while is an illusion, as all things are, is a way to focus. Focus on your healing and put time and effort in your healing. Like any manifestation you must focus and put your thoughts and desires into action. Who is doing this? Is it John of God? You may have walked into a room with a million doors, but he sure has shown you one way of opening the door to your true inner self. So if this serves you then take it. But that's all he can provide for you. The rest is in your mental mind because you need to understand how powerful your body is and how it can be healed when your mind, heart, body, and spirit are aligned. I am just voicing my oppinion but again .. and it's just not only about John of God but with any healer... they are just showing you the frequency that you need to meet in order to be in a healthy physical state. You are not going to get there in one go because we live on earth and especially if you have a mountain of fear based beliefs and are uncertain about the idea of death. What I guess I am saying is that you also have it in you to heal yourself. 

Now what about those Ponzi Schemes... Ugh what can I say? Anyone that tries to separate people into good versus bad in my sense is just in fear. Now, I'm not saying this is not true. I believe all realities are true so if you believe in that fear based parallel reality then that's for you to believe in. Make up your own mind and do not ever let other people influence you just because they are in fear. I believe that people will have many different experiences and that is why not everything is going to work for everyone. Can anybody really take over you? Of course not. Bashar actually addresses the physical mechanics of this and here I will insert the clip:

So I'm just going to end it here... Really I am here to self-empower and to remind everyone that they are also powerful creators here on earth. Sometimes we need inspiration and if John of God is an inspiration to you then go for it. Do not buy into the fears of other people controlling you... yes there are energetic cords that you can attach to and if it helps, please do the clearings and call on Archangel Michaels. I use this method too at times when I am bogged down and my mentality is unclear. We cannot let fear of other people controlling us to give us excuses that we are not powerful enough to let them go. The only other thing I want to mention is... do not become so inundated by other people who seem more magical and powerful that you think ... 'only through them am I powerful enough to accomplish whatever goal I have'. Again, let them inspire you! If you can perceive then you can achieve! :) I certainly believe in it. 

Well, that's my two cents for the day! Let me know if you have another view of this. My thoughts of the subject or all subjects are always evolving because I am of course looking for the bigger picture and bigger purpose of all this stuff. 

Welcome all viewers around the world!

Hello viewers around the world! 

Today I decided to see who may have been visiting my site and I see a list of different countries! I just wanted to say 'hello' and 'thank you' for visiting my site! I often wonder how people find my page as I just write and hit the publish button and sometimes I don't even double check. I really just type what I am feeling at the moment and then I let it go because I just am sharing what I feel at the moment.  Could it be because there are many people interested in Bashar? That's cool! So am I! :) I'm always wanting to learn more and more and more and from others too!

Well, wherever you are! I want to wish you all a Happy Holiday! It's currently snowing where I am situated... I gotta buy some rain/snow boots!

Have a loving and safe day! 

Sharing some thoughts and feelings...

Today I am thankful for... Sunshine. I am thankful for the bountiful sunshine... who does not know that I truly am thankful for it's presence. Comfort. I am thankful for a home to live in. A place where I can comfortably sit and think freely without constant interruptions. My meditation. My own space of creative expressions and thinking space. Universe. I am thankful to be alive this time with the knowledge that the universe supports my dreams, goals, and desires. Boyfriend. I am thankful for the most loving, kind, and fun boyfriend who is growing to become a more spiritually conscious person each day. He teaches me how to live in the moment and to relax. Time. I am giving myself time to expand, explore, and grow. I do not conform to the fear of running out of time to do things. Yes, there is 24 hours a day but I don't let it control me. - - - - - Living here on earth has been a whirlwind journey full of mostly ups and downs. I know my purpose has not been fulfilled but I feel that in the last couple of years, I have accomplished a lot with my mind. I have shifted through many parallel universes from living in fear-based realities to zen-like realities. It is astonishing how all these realities can exist in one's mind. I am thankful that I did not get lost in these realities and I am working to find my balance points and that is the eye of the storm. Everything in this world is based on your belief systems, your preferences, and your expectations. That's it and what energy you left it last at. Today I am feeling like a blank canvas... I know I am the things that I am accomplished and experienced but I feel free. I feel unconfined. I feel light and airy. Today, I feel like a balloon. An analogy that my boyfriend sometimes gives me because I drift away into the higher realms of thinking. I don't know why... I feel comfortable there. Being at peace, in harmony, and in full appreciation. That is where I truly am. I am thankful that I am able to recreate these experiences here on earth. Just now, how do I apply it to being on earth where a lot of contrast and polarity takes place. I know that is why I am here on Earth... I sometimes just want to instantly manifest into the next thing that I am meant to do. Would it be much easier than trying to navigate through a sandstorm? I am drawing a blank now. It's like I want to write more but my mind is just drawing a blank. I feel sometimes I am in a state of blankness. It's great but sometimes that means a lot of inaction. Sometimes I wish I was suffering so that I would be fighting for whatever cause that I need to. But I know that is not what I prefer and well I just don't believe you have to suffer to get what you want. Am I now creating a background story of suffering before I fully shine? It's sad to think this way but sometimes I feel like I am consciously holding myself back so that I can relate to others. It really just does not make sense. I know struggles make a great story. I have struggles lots before so I know the powers of using that allegory... I think it all falls back to all the stories that we use to study in high school English and Literature classes where the hero must struggle before attaining victory. Why? I mean, in reality they chose to struggle in such a way because we chose to view them struggling. Why does Earth value struggle so much? So that we can diminish ourselves and relate to others... Probably. See, this is another belief that I am just tackling and writing this has helped me release this. I no longer buy into the struggle to success sequence to... wherever it is that I am going. I am just going to be me. I am going to accept where I am at this moment. I accept the choices that I have made to lead me to where I am. I forgive myself for not being like my peers who are outwardly seemingly problem-free. No one is perfect. I am not. If I fail, I just keep going. If I am on hiatus then I accept it as part of my life journey. Things are always shifting and changing. Many parallel universes are created and I get the freedom to choose anyone of them. I know how suffering feels like, I know how rejection feels like, I know how doing your best and not succeeding feels like... I have a wealth of knowledge to share. I do not follow other people's timelines. I am free to create my world and make it work the way I have always wanted it to. I am so thankful today.

Bashar - How To Manifest Instantly

Today I am feeling thankful for all the free uploaded videos on Youtube that people have put up based on their passion to share their acquired knowledge. These videos have completely accelerated and shifted the way I think and feel. I feel truly self-empowered.



I felt inspired to do a quick blog today about synchronicities & instant manifestations...

Here's an anecdote on instant manifestation...

A month ago, a number of people were telling me how they had been seeing huge spiders going into their homes. These spiders are like the size of a small tennis ball. I have never seen spiders like these before and so I had a keen interest and question where I thought... I wonder if I will see a big spider too? I sort of expected that it would happen because by now nature responds quite quickly to my requests.

Of course, two days later... I see a huge spider in my bathroom walls. I have no idea how it got there. I was really surprised yet I had a sense of knowing that it would show up. I didn't kill it. I just let it be where it needed to be and after that day I never saw the spider again. Nature usually responds to me in less than a week! Anything that I desire to connect with... it appears. For when these moments happen, I am literally in awe. Yes, even a silly little thing like spiders. How do I translate this to other manifestations in the physical world?

See It! Feel It! Be It! - Bashar

You were born with all the tools you will ever need to manifest the life you prefer. Your excitement and imagination are the two primary tools you were born with to do so. To apply them in the most effective way, use this three step manifestation process.

Step (1) See it

What is the most exciting thing you want to do? Use your imagination and visually see yourself being, doing or having it. Dream it. Draw it out, cut out a picture of what it is and paste it on the page. Bring the dream into your mind’s eye. Vividly. See it in every way possible in all of it’s glorious color. Really see it so the sense of excitement is there. Picture yourself going through the scenario of what you want to do. Picture yourself doing it and enjoy it. See yourself walking how your would walk, talking how you would talk, the gestures you would be making, what you would be touching, people who you would be speaking to. See it all. Paint the picture. See the picture, carve it into a rock, see it on a big screen. See the picture in any way that seems exciting to you. Just daydream. Let yourself become wrapped in it. Immerse yourself in the vision. Write out what you are seeing. Explain in words what you see. Once you have a vivid solid idea of what you can see then Step (2) is to Feel it.

Step (2) Feel it

If you were really seeing what excites you, wouldn’t you be feeling ecstatic inside and wouldn’t it give you joy. DO NOT have a picture devoid of feeling. It is not just emotionally feeling it, it is feeling it with your senses. Plug your senses into it. If you feel yourself picking up a certain object, know what it would actually feel like. Spend time in your daydream feeling it. Is it hot, is it cold, is it rough or smooth. Use all of your emotionality and your physical senses like smell, hearing, touching and tasting to feel it. Lock yourself into a daydream. Take time to really feel and know that it is there. If you act like it’s really there, it really is there. It is really there.

You may believe that you have not manifested it yet but it does not mean it’s not real. In fact, anything you can imagine is somewhere a reality, maybe not in this world but it has to be real. You can not imagine that which is not real. You do not have that capacity. If you conceive of it, then on some level in whatever dimension of reality, it is real. It does exist. It has it’s own validity. Whatever you imagine is real somewhere in the vast ‘universe’. Fall into the feeling of what it is you see. Fall in love with that picture. Fall in love with yourself as you see yourself in that picture. Let the feeling wash over you and through you. Fully immerse yourself in this feeling. When you See it and when you Feel it then step (3) is to Be it…

Step (3) Be it

When you know what excites you, you see it and feel it, allow the physical world to work for you and physicalize it. Physically act it out. This third step is the one most people are reluctant to do. You need to act like your doing it. Play act even if it seems silly or embarrassing. Even though it seems like pretending, you must ACT IT OUT. If you have hesitation, look at what your belief system ‘brings up’ that stops you from play acting. Discover what it is that may cause a barrier that stops you from acting it out. What is it that stops you when all of a sudden on the threshold of realizing your very dreams, you prevent yourself from reaching out and having it, by physically reaching out (acting it out) and having it.

If you have a vision of something that excites you and you feel that it excites you and if you can’t immediately ‘do’ the real thing, get as close as you can to what that vision is. If need be, set up a stage or props or whatever it is you need to physically represent the idea of what excites you. Physically go through the motions. Play the whole scenario out.

The key to why this is an extremely important step is because what you are doing is ingraining the vibratory habit into your body consciousness to move in a new way that is more representative of the reality you say you prefer. If you were in that reality, you would be doing these things. You would be acting in a different way. You would be standing differently, walking differently, talking differently, moving differently and touching things differently. When you start talking, moving, touching in those ways, your body is being trained into the new reality. You are starting to give off the frequency of the new reality. The body language that goes with that reality. When you are that vibration, there is NO choice on the part of the universe but to reflect that reality back to you. This is how you can manifest effortlessly. You will go from the pretend into the real much more easily, although there really was not very much difference between the two from the start.

Go through all of the motions that you can possibly represent to what you believe the real physical reality would be like. The closer you can get to it in your pretend, the smoother the transition will be and the more quickly you will manifest it. The situation, the opportunities and the circumstances that will allow you to manifest it will drop in your lap. Create it as realistically as possible. If you see yourself as the president of a multi-billion dollar corporation, how are you going to know what that really feels like unless you go and sit in the office. Go and borrow a similar office, ask to use one, rent an office or create one. Set a stage. Create it as it would be, at least in the real physical dimensions that you would prefer it to be. You are training your body to reach in certain ways and to feel a sense of a certain type of space and volume. That is what the final defining factor is for a manifestation. You are defining the blueprint parameters into which it can manifest. You are giving it a place, a time, a space. Then it can manifest in that place, time and space.

If you are the president of the multi-billion dollar corporation you would not be at a small desk in the corner of your basement. Use your imagination to create what you want in your office. Create a bank of computer screens on your wall, butler service, a remote elevator to your helicopter on the roof. It’s alright to play because the further you reach, the easier it will be for you to grab what is closer than that, which may have previously been in your mind, beyond your reach. If you reach beyond that, this thing which was previously out of reach is now well within reach. By comparison, it is close.

Give up to your playfulness when you act this out. Physically ACT IT OUT. Whatever it is, whatever you can, with integrity, Act it out. Borrow what you need to, buy what you need to, rent what you need to, build what you need to. Draw it if you have to but PHYSICALIZE IT. I guarantee the results are there already! All you are doing is discovering them. You are simply becoming aware of what is already YOU because if it really does excite you more than anything else, then it is you. All your doing is finding that out and being that you. You are allowing, not making, not forcing, not trying, but allowing the universe to reflect it back. Remember, the universe in that sense does not have a mind of it’s own and will not contradict the vibration you give out. It cannot say, no no no, I don’t care how much you really prefer that, and no matter how excited you are, I’m not going to give it to you. It does not have a mind of it’s own.

Only YOU can create something you desire to NOT manifest. You are manifesting all the time. Right now you are manifesting. You are manifesting the reality you’re experiencing yourself to be. It is so second nature you don’t even know your doing it and you’ve forgotten that you are doing it all of the time. So take action. Act it out with NO expectation as to the results. Let the ‘universe’ dictate the results. Don’t limit the expectation with a physical mind. Just see it, feel it and then BE IT….ACT IT OUT……you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results!!

How I finally let go of depression? (Part 1)

It really came down to an amalgamation of several perspectives:

1. Inquiry process - How do I heal depression or turn it into a positive thing? Why was it happening to me? What does depression truly mean? What do I believe it can benefit me on this Earth journey? What can I learn from it?

A slew of these questions and more... which became the burning and fuelling desire for me to get better. From these questions, I started to analyze and investigate what I was learning from others. I read books, I was taking a psychology course on disorders, I slept, I cried, I did a lot of thinking, and well I was open to any kind or form of interpretation other than the need to take medication or to see a counsellor as a form of healing. I just didn't believe that was the way to heal my depression. I felt like it was a mask just covering up another mask... Like, there's something truly deeper about this. I'm a psychology major so I know that there's more to than just talking about it and taking drugs. I did not want to be controlled by drugs. Disclaimer: This does not mean that people should not take drugs. Do it if you feel that it will benefit you. If you don't believe it will, then your beliefs will overrule your outcomes. I did not believe in it and also I wanted to know that I have control over my own reality. I wanted to be unconventional... I guess you can say that is always a theme in my life... to do things differently than everyone else! I was passionate about self-improvement. I think that desire to learn more about depression and to seek different perspectives really spiraled me to different places and views of depression.

2. Inner Knowing - I had an inner feeling that this journey was going to be temporary as I kept thinking that this knowledge and experience would help me with my counselling practices... that I would be better at assisting my clients and students. I knew that learning more about myself would benefit myself and others in the long run. I kept holding those beliefs in my mind which kept me going each day that I was depressed. I kept thinking that I had a greater purpose in life. I kept reaffirming that this is just a part of the journey and not a part of the problem. I was positive about the outcome of my state of mind even though I can really say that I was solidly depressed with spouts of happiness for a good solid year. I would be happy in front of others and depressed when I got home. I was not being my true self.

3. Youtube - I did not consult anyone while I went through depression at the beginning. I was momentarily missing in action and that was when I began isolating myself. I realized I was depressed because I was taking a psychology course at that time and I met many or more of the symptoms which included intense crying, panic attacks, physical pains, sleep, sad thoughts, over sensitivity, and etc... I avoided going to family events, friends parties, and hanging out. I told no one what was going on and generally lost a lot of friends due to my inability to express myself. It's really not my fault... I realized that all my life it was hard for me to express emotions. I was always the one who helped others and listened to all their problems... No one ever knew and not even myself that I would be the one who would later on become depressed in my early 20's as an adult. Anyways, I will have to say that youtube really saved my life... If it were not for the countless number of generous people who put up the videos that I watched and listened to (which gave me a different perspective on life!)... I would not of been able to get out of that depressed state of mind. I always looked at what the 'Recommended' section had for me... I always felt that I was getting a message or learning something new about myself. One day I will share you which clips really helped you... if you guys are interested then I'll post sooner.

4. Highschool Best Friend - To this day, I still haven't told one of my high school best friends that she was the one who really initiated my journey into healing. For some reason, I always remember what she tells me... and what she tweeted on Twitter (not directly to me) really intrigued me and changed my life. I've told her that she has helped me change my life but I never met up with her to officially tell her that. I guess I have isolated myself from her because I felt different from her... She is amazing, smart, successful, and hardworking... someone I really admire. Before I felt like she was too good of a friend now to me... but I hope to reconnect with her one day and rekindle our friendship. She really means a lot to me. I have not been exploring the topic of friendship for awhile so I lost quite a lot of friends... that is going to be another learning experience for me... to relearn how to make and keep friends.

5. Spiritual Guide/Friends/Angel Beings/UFO(Bashar): When I was really lonely and crying all the time... I would get visits from my spiritual friends. I never knew about them and actually went to my eye doctor several time to get my vision checked. I kept thinking that I must of had a tear in my eye but they reassured that I did not. I realized they were really just trying to comfort me... I can still imagine my old self sitting in my bedroom crying and crying... asking for when the day will come when I stopped being so sad and then suddenly a light would flicker by my vision and then it would do it again! At those moments, I would suddenly go... OMG! What is that? and they would distract me from my sadness... I am so thankful for that. I mean it's tiring being depressed and I know they wanted to uplift me and keep my head up high. Then learning about angels through an angel encounter and learning about Bashar through youtube really made me think different about life... Bashar said the main reason why there is depression or people become depressed is because they don't love and value themselves. That is plain and simply the root of the problem. I had to listen to that clip a few times before I could understand. I wish I could thank the person who uploaded that clip as I don't remember who it was now... and I hope it is still up on youtube. It was a shift in perspectives and I just never knew... I was always so hard on my self to be that perfect friend and girlfriend... always to help others but never to value or appreciate myself. Even when I did well I never celebrated my successes... even my high school friend was the first one who told me that. She's very intuitive I just realized and gifted in helping others... but back then I did not know why.

6. Awakening - Finally, after a lot of asking and praying for help about my depression in my mind... I awoke one day with a complete sense of relief. All the sadness disappeared for 6 months (before it came back again - due to schoolwork) and I was in a complete state of gratitude and appreciation for life. I later went to see an angel intuitive/life coach and she told me it was my spirit guides and angels who had helped me out and helped me release a lot of my guilts, hates, negativity, and etc... It was like I woke up from a nightmare... although it was real. It's hard to describe. But it was something like what Jim Carey described... just like an alterate shift or transformation. According to Bashar, it would be a shift in reality. I literally shifted to a different perspective and I was able to let go of all the pain I went through. I even was open to hanging out with friends again and rekindled friendships.  Well, my depression state did come back but that awakening was like almost my first wow moment... like I finally did it! So when it came back.. I was severely devastated. Darn, still more learning to do was what I was thinking... Haha...

There's a few more other things but that's like the tip of it... I mean to think that I went through depression on my own is true in one sense because now I know I create my own reality so and really it was all in my head... head full of emotions so I know that only I know to the full extent to how serious it was... but really I got out because I was curious and I wanted to get better and learn another way to help me with my depression. I was open minded and I wanted to learn more about myself... and I also realized along the way that I was not alone in this process. While at the moment, my experience might not benefit others on Earth, I know the spiritual beings benefitted as they are also watching and able to learn from me. I know I was supported along the way and because I was always hopeful... I knew that I had other choices. Just which ones and which ones resonated with me the most? My main struggle was... how can a positive person such as I become depressed? Like I was the quintessential go to friend, down to earth, positive, bubbly, happy, full of potential, and everything...although super duper stressed and extremely hard on myself... then one day I become severely depressed, lost friends, and isolated myself almost to everyone. It's hard to describe but just to let everyone know that there is hope! The main point of it all is to integrate it into your life. To realize that depression is now a part of you... it is an experience that you went through and if you continue to explore it then do so but if you don't want to then you will do whatever it takes to get out of it... whether you take it positively as what I did... through internal investigations and finding your true self or through other means such as hurting yourself and/or others... It's all a choice! If you feel like you don't have a choice, then that's the choice that you are making -- that you don't have a choice.

So hopefully this little snippet can help someone out there... I know how it feels to be severely depressed. I feel it from time to time but not I have strategies to get out of it... I first let it come and feel it out, then I don't judge myself for having those feelings, and then I let it go.. and do something else. If you keep fighting it, then you will generate more of it because if you pushing a part of yourself a way and that is not a way to truly love yourself! You must love the being that you are regardless if you are perfect or not, sad or happy, or whatever it is... Also, stop reading depressing stuff! No, I'm being serious. When I was depressed, I got so caught up with earthquakes and gang cartels on CNN and everything that I worried myself to sleep and made myself feel even more powerless. I mean, if that's what you want to experience then go for it but start to be conscious of what you feed into your mind. Don't take everything in just because someone said it... heck don't even believe what I have to say. I'm just sharing my perspective and what worked for me. I only want to share because I know had it not been for people sharing their experiences on the internet and making videos... then I would not of gained another perspective!

Update!

Hello :)

It's been awhile but I thought I would come by to do an update!

It's been a really intriguing journey... learning how to integrate all that I have learned and remembered about myself, the world, and reality.

I have somewhat isolated myself a bit from friends in the last while before September and I am easing my way back to being around friends. From someone who use to be popular, to going through depression or a life altering moment, to isolating myself, and to now to easing myself back into 'society' is quite a transition. I am learning to find my own stance and voice!

Before I would try to please others and although some of those beliefs sometimes do permeate through my actions and emotions, I am able to work around them and consciously recognize when this happens. It is odd easing myself back into the world because I just really do think differently now.

I will not lose myself in this process... in fact I have learned to adjust my energy and beliefs to whoever I am interacting with in order to help them with their journey here on life. Although I am a human on earth, I really feel like more of an observer nowadays which I feel loses it's momentum and passion in a way to better human life. I don't really know what I am trying to say but... it always seems like those who suffer are the ones who make the bigger changes in this world.

I have suffered quite a bit and I am figuring out how to make a difference in this world in a bigger way. I feel like I have so much to offer... yet I am not putting myself out there. A part of me is still afraid of... of speaking my voice, following my highest excitement, and leaving things behind. I realized at this moment that I am embodying the belief of only one but not the other... well why not both? Interesting...

A part of me is still holds myself back because I am easily sensitive to everything and everyone. It's like I absorb other people's issues and then I take them personally as if it was my own fight. I know in a sense that that is a way of helping but it takes me longer to filter through which thoughts are mine and which are theirs.

All I want for people in this world to know is that they are loved. They have choices and they create their reality because the reality comes from what we think and believe in our minds. The outside is just a reflection of our thoughts and beliefs and that is how law of attraction works. It brings to you what you keep pondering, inquiring, fearing, and wishing for... Also, I want everyone to know and especially children to know that they don't need to hurt anyone in order to be themselves and have what they want. Everyone can access this... everyone can create their reality. Can you just imagine? Limitations are of the pass. Believe and you will achieve. If anyone says no, then you have at that moment a choice to either accept their beliefs or keep going. In truth, we are really just learning more about ourselves... that's all.

I had a friend recently who confronted me on my inactions to continue the friendship. It's true. I have been unproductive and basically running away because I have deep issues... I finally realized what the main issues were that were holding me back from hanging out with friends... Money. And yes, I am judging myself a bit... it is sad.. but I have allowed money to hold myself back from meeting with friends. I realized a lot of my problems would be fixed if I would just get myself working more and on a full time basis. That is what I will do because I have to take the small steps...

Isolation is great... but I have to remember to not get stuck in that state. I am never going to know anything and everything. I have a big purpose and I am waiting for it to appear... which is never the right way to approach it. It will happen when it needs to happen.

All in all I am good. I find that I am sleeping a bit more again to conserve energy I guess but I have been working out at least 5 days a week! That is a start and not eating any carbs. I don't feel stuck anymore as I did awhile ago... I just feel like I need to pick one thing out of my list of things to do and go for it. Stop holding back and fearing what others will think and what I may lose if I decide to follow my passions...

Keep it simple.

Go for it.

My higher mind always say the simple things... while my complicated personality maybe mainly the ego will go on and on and on... so keep in mind to think simply and things will work out.

I was reminded yesterday that I am manifester. Two days ago I was talking to my mom and I was very intrigued by the idea of learning how to fix a flat tire. I was thinking... what happens if I get a flat tire one day? surely I'll need to learn how to do that so that I don't get stuck and my mom agreed. And I remember saying to myself... well when the right opportunity comes I will learn how to fix a broken / flat tire.

Okay, so last night while leaving my boyfriends house, the second I drove off for maybe about a block and a half... a nail ran through my tire and my tire completely flattened! I could not believe it! Luckily it was at 11pm and there were not many cars around and I was able to safely pull over to the side. Who leaves nails on the street??? I was so shocked... and up to that point my mind was pretty blank last night. I had a great evening and I was thinking in my mind... well now what shall I be doing? Like I was in the moment...thinking nothing and this happens!

Of course, my desire to learn how to fix a tire came true! My boyfriend drove over and taught me how to change the flat tire and everything. I was lucky that he was available because he was about to head out soon too!

I only realized that I had manifested this opportunity when I got home and was reflecting that night! I completely understand now how no resistance will bring about what you desire. I had no resistance to that experience and so it came quickly! Anyways, I always make things that seem negative to a positive outcome so I would say I now know how to change a tire!

This has happened to me quite a few times... like the time when a woodpecker came by to visit when I had a desire to meet one. Mind you, woodpeckers do not live in the city near where I live so I have no idea how it even got to my window... Then I had a desire to find a four leaf clover and the first time it came to me through a voice.... and the second time this summer it literally appeared the second I said I wanted to find one! Another time... the plums out side my plum tree had these gorgeous yellow and ripe plums hanging on the top part of the tree where we could not reach to get .. and they had been siting there for about 3 weeks. I made a note to my mom that surely the birds should come by and eat them but they never did. An hour later, my mom said a group of 20 little birds came by and ate all the plums. It was like they heard my calling or something and they just came! I mean tose plums had been sitting there ripe for like 3 weeks already!!! It's those little things and others that make you go... what da... I mean sure it could be a coincidence but really it is my own creation. I mean, I wanted to see something and then it happens because I had no resistance in it coming.

Now having said that, sometimes I get anxious because if I see myself judging something or making a remark such as well... that will never happen to me or I hope it never happens to me then I have to watch my mouth... because anything can happen! It is best for me to just not put any thought to it and let it be others reality if I don't want it in mine. Obviously I cannot clean up every single thought that I had thought of in this lifetime but now that I am much more aware of what I am able to manifest... I have to also becareful of what I don't want to manifest and to forgive others and even if I dont' agree with what others are saying... I either speak up or I nod and say I am thankful for the knowledge of this experience and for the perspective that it has provided to me.

When you know you are a creator, you are self-empowered. Yet, because I am still human, I sometimes test my boundaries. Haha... I don't know why but somehow I am always disempowering and self-empowering myself... it's like I'm testing it all out to see what works or not. I know my higher self is probably like... c'mom let's get going...

Anyways, that's all the babbling for now. It is what or what was on my moment as I kept typing. Life is magical and I know everything that I want will eventually come true! I just know it in my heart. I just want to let others know that they are also loved. :) Reflect love onto yourself and love will reflect back to you!

Just filtering through some thoughts...

I've realized that Earth people like to hear about people struggling before having major success... it makes a great story and that's what I guess help people to relate to others. That you, who are struggling can do it too! Well, struggle is subjective in my mind. In my prior state of mind, I would say that I am struggling with no money and tonnes of debt but with my current state of mind, I don't think of my life as a struggle but more of a journey that I am currently choosing to experience. I guess in someone else's eye it can seem like a struggle but not in mine! I don't know... I feel iffy about this. Why must we always have to struggle in order to have some major happiness or success in life? Well, to me that is just not what I want to vibe with anymore. Sure, I can tell everyone my struggle with depression and my struggle with health and my struggle with my career... well does that make everyone feel better? I guess if in the end we just want to relate to each other... Why am I always trying to please others? More importantly, I think I am preventing myself from success because I have not struggled as much as others. Why am I choosing to accept this belief? Well, I don't anymore. I am me. I have always struggled with being successful because I don't want to outshine others yet I have this yearning to have major success... Well, I don't anymore. I let it go. It doesn't serve me and nor does anyone really care anyways. I let it go.

SPEC: Select, Project, Expect, and Collect

Has anyone heard of this before?

SPEC Method by Helene Hadsell

It's amazing how the law of attraction will bring you whatever information you are currently seeking. Just the other day I was thinking about the SPEC Method as I was watching an youtube video on a professional slot player called 'The Slot Guru' and how he used the SPEC Method. It intrigued me but I didn't really look further into it as it. Just now, I suddenly come across a woman named Helene Hadsell and how she has won every contest she has ever entered! Talk about intense focusing... but she was the woman who invented the SPEC method. Very cool and interesting indeed! Another view into how to bring things into manifestation. :*)

A permission slip is what I would hear Bashar say...

What a wonderful cool woman! Thank you for sharing!

Here is an article that she wrote about SPEC: http://www.contestqueen.com/2009/so-what-is-spec/

Here is the video on the 'Slot Guru'!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXWkWDniv48

Updates: 04/30/14

I wanted to share two scenarios where I unconsciously used SPEC, law of attraction, or something simliar to manifest things that I want.

Scenario #1:

A few years ago, I was a little crazy about expensive brand name bags. Not just any brand name bag, but a Chanel bag. And a few years prior before that, I would not even want to spend $39 on a Puma bag... Talk about a big jump but I see the value in owning a Chanel bag and I love their designs! I was particularly googly-eying over a vintage Chanel bag that I saw online on a fashion blogger's website. I remember her saying that it was rare bag and that she had bought it from Japan. I really loved it and I knew I could not justify purchasing a Chanel at that moment. Also, where could I found that bag? I began looking for that exact same bag all over the internet and especially on Ebay. Whenever I would see it on sale, I would watch it as it was being bid and bought out by other buyers. However, every day for a couple of months and for what seemed like 6 months I would think about that Chanel bag. I would imagine how great it would feel to have it in my hands. I would just dream about owning it and how pretty it would look on it. I just loved the vintage look and thought how wonderful it would be to just own one. I never thought anything more, just always thinking 'where can I get one?' and just thought it would be nice to own one one day.

Each day, I would look for it online and just wishfully imagine it was mine! Finally, I had this inclination to go on craigslist.org which I had not gone on for over a few months now. I just had this feeling and so I went to see if anyone would be selling a vintage Chanel bag. I couldn't believe my eyes but someone was selling the exact same bag but for a fraction of the price. It was blurry picture, it was a small cellphone picture, but because I had been studying the bag for almost a year now, I knew in my gut that it was authentic! And also, it was at a great price range that I was able to afford!

I messaged the seller right away and asked to meet the next day! I was so excited! I just couldn't wait to see and I didn't really have any expectations. So I go across town to meet the seller and she comes by with her Mercedes Benz and she is an elderly lady! Sweet! Now, this can't be fake is what I thought... The little old lady with her husband tells me that her sister had bought her the Chanel bag and that it had been sitting in her garage for over 15 years! Who leaves their Chanel's in a garage... Well, I was so happy because I knew it was the real deal! I even told her that I would take the dust bag, the big gigantic box, and everything included! I couldn't believe my eyes and the deal that I had just scored! She was an elderly lady so she did not know the value of her vintage Chanel bag! So... then I bought her home and the bag was in excellent to perfect condition. How much did I get it for? Let's just say from what I know how much it is worth now... over $2000 I got it for 1/6 of that price...

It was only years later that I realized that I had manifested that bag! I never gave it a deadline, I never thought that I would find it on craigslist, I never thought I would get such an amazing deal on it, I never thought I would not be able to afford it and I never thought it would be a local seller. Truthfully, the lady said that over 30 people tried to arrange a meeting with her and I was the second one. She said the first meet up cancelled 30 minutes prior to me so... how lucky am I?

Here is the original image that I fell in love with from blogger Tiffany at iam-stylish.blogspot.com. I envisioned having this bag for almost 6 months... before it came to me unexpectedly!

I will upload my Chanel another day when I get a chance to take a photo of it. My bag is slightly larger or is the larger version of this bag. Now, that I believe is using SPEC.

Scenario #2:

About two weeks ago, I thought about getting a haircut and a new hairstyle. I started thinking about what would look nice on me and I browsed all the haircuts that I liked on Instagram. Then I decided to look for people who did haircuts locally on Instagram. I imagined myself having a nice haircut for once and maybe getting some balayage and highlights. Wouldn't that be nice for summer?

Well, two days ago... I had to look at my budget and it was getting tight. Haircut is something that became not a priority and I thought to myself... well I am not going to budget it now because I just need to spend that extra money on other things. So, I crossed it off of my list and I decided that when the time is right and when I have the extra money, I would get a haircut.

Yesterday, I went to a women's networking event to volunteer. It was great! I was myself and I had fun networking and my friend came along to be a part of the event. I knew there were several door prizes and I was not going to put my business card in the draw but one of the event organizers said 'why not?' because I was a volunteer. So, guess what? My card got chosen and it was for a free haircut! I did not even know there was a prize for a haircut. So, now I have an opportunity to get a free haircut! What perfect timing... sometimes when you let it go... it just some how works.

So that is why I decided to update this post because I need to have a little bit more faith on the other things that I want to manifest in my life. I know this is applicable to anyone and I too sometimes tend to believe that things aren't working out... but they are. You have to keep the vision and make it real in your mind. Almost like be obsessed over it but never expecting it to come to you in any one way!

How do I replicate this and make it work every time? Well, Helen Hadsell sure figured it out! I write about this to remind myself that I do have the power to manifest things that I want in my life. :)

Feel it. Use the five senses.
Think about it daily. Doesn't need to be long. Just the feeling and joy that it brings.
Believe you have it or will have it.
Do not expect it to come to you in one way.
Let it go. If it doesn't come then it's just not the right time yet. But it is still coming.
Do not worry or else you cancel and contradict the energy.
Above all... be patient and have faith!

Okay, I have to remind myself these ideas...

Anyone else want to add or elaborate or share their experiences with manifestations?