Monday 8 July 2013
Just filtering through some thoughts...
I've realized that Earth people like to hear about people struggling before having major success... it makes a great story and that's what I guess help people to relate to others. That you, who are struggling can do it too! Well, struggle is subjective in my mind. In my prior state of mind, I would say that I am struggling with no money and tonnes of debt but with my current state of mind, I don't think of my life as a struggle but more of a journey that I am currently choosing to experience. I guess in someone else's eye it can seem like a struggle but not in mine! I don't know... I feel iffy about this. Why must we always have to struggle in order to have some major happiness or success in life? Well, to me that is just not what I want to vibe with anymore. Sure, I can tell everyone my struggle with depression and my struggle with health and my struggle with my career... well does that make everyone feel better? I guess if in the end we just want to relate to each other... Why am I always trying to please others? More importantly, I think I am preventing myself from success because I have not struggled as much as others. Why am I choosing to accept this belief? Well, I don't anymore. I am me. I have always struggled with being successful because I don't want to outshine others yet I have this yearning to have major success... Well, I don't anymore. I let it go. It doesn't serve me and nor does anyone really care anyways. I let it go.
SPEC: Select, Project, Expect, and Collect
Has anyone heard of this before?
SPEC Method by Helene Hadsell
It's amazing how the law of attraction will bring you whatever information you are currently seeking. Just the other day I was thinking about the SPEC Method as I was watching an youtube video on a professional slot player called 'The Slot Guru' and how he used the SPEC Method. It intrigued me but I didn't really look further into it as it. Just now, I suddenly come across a woman named Helene Hadsell and how she has won every contest she has ever entered! Talk about intense focusing... but she was the woman who invented the SPEC method. Very cool and interesting indeed! Another view into how to bring things into manifestation. :*)
A permission slip is what I would hear Bashar say...
What a wonderful cool woman! Thank you for sharing!
Here is an article that she wrote about SPEC: http://www.contestqueen.com/2009/so-what-is-spec/
Here is the video on the 'Slot Guru'!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXWkWDniv48
Updates: 04/30/14
I wanted to share two scenarios where I unconsciously used SPEC, law of attraction, or something simliar to manifest things that I want.
Scenario #1:
A few years ago, I was a little crazy about expensive brand name bags. Not just any brand name bag, but a Chanel bag. And a few years prior before that, I would not even want to spend $39 on a Puma bag... Talk about a big jump but I see the value in owning a Chanel bag and I love their designs! I was particularly googly-eying over a vintage Chanel bag that I saw online on a fashion blogger's website. I remember her saying that it was rare bag and that she had bought it from Japan. I really loved it and I knew I could not justify purchasing a Chanel at that moment. Also, where could I found that bag? I began looking for that exact same bag all over the internet and especially on Ebay. Whenever I would see it on sale, I would watch it as it was being bid and bought out by other buyers. However, every day for a couple of months and for what seemed like 6 months I would think about that Chanel bag. I would imagine how great it would feel to have it in my hands. I would just dream about owning it and how pretty it would look on it. I just loved the vintage look and thought how wonderful it would be to just own one. I never thought anything more, just always thinking 'where can I get one?' and just thought it would be nice to own one one day.
Each day, I would look for it online and just wishfully imagine it was mine! Finally, I had this inclination to go on craigslist.org which I had not gone on for over a few months now. I just had this feeling and so I went to see if anyone would be selling a vintage Chanel bag. I couldn't believe my eyes but someone was selling the exact same bag but for a fraction of the price. It was blurry picture, it was a small cellphone picture, but because I had been studying the bag for almost a year now, I knew in my gut that it was authentic! And also, it was at a great price range that I was able to afford!
I messaged the seller right away and asked to meet the next day! I was so excited! I just couldn't wait to see and I didn't really have any expectations. So I go across town to meet the seller and she comes by with her Mercedes Benz and she is an elderly lady! Sweet! Now, this can't be fake is what I thought... The little old lady with her husband tells me that her sister had bought her the Chanel bag and that it had been sitting in her garage for over 15 years! Who leaves their Chanel's in a garage... Well, I was so happy because I knew it was the real deal! I even told her that I would take the dust bag, the big gigantic box, and everything included! I couldn't believe my eyes and the deal that I had just scored! She was an elderly lady so she did not know the value of her vintage Chanel bag! So... then I bought her home and the bag was in excellent to perfect condition. How much did I get it for? Let's just say from what I know how much it is worth now... over $2000 I got it for 1/6 of that price...
It was only years later that I realized that I had manifested that bag! I never gave it a deadline, I never thought that I would find it on craigslist, I never thought I would get such an amazing deal on it, I never thought I would not be able to afford it and I never thought it would be a local seller. Truthfully, the lady said that over 30 people tried to arrange a meeting with her and I was the second one. She said the first meet up cancelled 30 minutes prior to me so... how lucky am I?
Here is the original image that I fell in love with from blogger Tiffany at iam-stylish.blogspot.com. I envisioned having this bag for almost 6 months... before it came to me unexpectedly!
About two weeks ago, I thought about getting a haircut and a new hairstyle. I started thinking about what would look nice on me and I browsed all the haircuts that I liked on Instagram. Then I decided to look for people who did haircuts locally on Instagram. I imagined myself having a nice haircut for once and maybe getting some balayage and highlights. Wouldn't that be nice for summer?
Well, two days ago... I had to look at my budget and it was getting tight. Haircut is something that became not a priority and I thought to myself... well I am not going to budget it now because I just need to spend that extra money on other things. So, I crossed it off of my list and I decided that when the time is right and when I have the extra money, I would get a haircut.
Yesterday, I went to a women's networking event to volunteer. It was great! I was myself and I had fun networking and my friend came along to be a part of the event. I knew there were several door prizes and I was not going to put my business card in the draw but one of the event organizers said 'why not?' because I was a volunteer. So, guess what? My card got chosen and it was for a free haircut! I did not even know there was a prize for a haircut. So, now I have an opportunity to get a free haircut! What perfect timing... sometimes when you let it go... it just some how works.
So that is why I decided to update this post because I need to have a little bit more faith on the other things that I want to manifest in my life. I know this is applicable to anyone and I too sometimes tend to believe that things aren't working out... but they are. You have to keep the vision and make it real in your mind. Almost like be obsessed over it but never expecting it to come to you in any one way!
How do I replicate this and make it work every time? Well, Helen Hadsell sure figured it out! I write about this to remind myself that I do have the power to manifest things that I want in my life. :)
Feel it. Use the five senses.
Think about it daily. Doesn't need to be long. Just the feeling and joy that it brings.
Believe you have it or will have it.
Do not expect it to come to you in one way.
Let it go. If it doesn't come then it's just not the right time yet. But it is still coming.
Do not worry or else you cancel and contradict the energy.
Above all... be patient and have faith!
Okay, I have to remind myself these ideas...
Anyone else want to add or elaborate or share their experiences with manifestations?
SPEC Method by Helene Hadsell
It's amazing how the law of attraction will bring you whatever information you are currently seeking. Just the other day I was thinking about the SPEC Method as I was watching an youtube video on a professional slot player called 'The Slot Guru' and how he used the SPEC Method. It intrigued me but I didn't really look further into it as it. Just now, I suddenly come across a woman named Helene Hadsell and how she has won every contest she has ever entered! Talk about intense focusing... but she was the woman who invented the SPEC method. Very cool and interesting indeed! Another view into how to bring things into manifestation. :*)
A permission slip is what I would hear Bashar say...
What a wonderful cool woman! Thank you for sharing!
Here is an article that she wrote about SPEC: http://www.contestqueen.com/2009/so-what-is-spec/
Here is the video on the 'Slot Guru'!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXWkWDniv48
Updates: 04/30/14
I wanted to share two scenarios where I unconsciously used SPEC, law of attraction, or something simliar to manifest things that I want.
Scenario #1:
A few years ago, I was a little crazy about expensive brand name bags. Not just any brand name bag, but a Chanel bag. And a few years prior before that, I would not even want to spend $39 on a Puma bag... Talk about a big jump but I see the value in owning a Chanel bag and I love their designs! I was particularly googly-eying over a vintage Chanel bag that I saw online on a fashion blogger's website. I remember her saying that it was rare bag and that she had bought it from Japan. I really loved it and I knew I could not justify purchasing a Chanel at that moment. Also, where could I found that bag? I began looking for that exact same bag all over the internet and especially on Ebay. Whenever I would see it on sale, I would watch it as it was being bid and bought out by other buyers. However, every day for a couple of months and for what seemed like 6 months I would think about that Chanel bag. I would imagine how great it would feel to have it in my hands. I would just dream about owning it and how pretty it would look on it. I just loved the vintage look and thought how wonderful it would be to just own one. I never thought anything more, just always thinking 'where can I get one?' and just thought it would be nice to own one one day.
Each day, I would look for it online and just wishfully imagine it was mine! Finally, I had this inclination to go on craigslist.org which I had not gone on for over a few months now. I just had this feeling and so I went to see if anyone would be selling a vintage Chanel bag. I couldn't believe my eyes but someone was selling the exact same bag but for a fraction of the price. It was blurry picture, it was a small cellphone picture, but because I had been studying the bag for almost a year now, I knew in my gut that it was authentic! And also, it was at a great price range that I was able to afford!
I messaged the seller right away and asked to meet the next day! I was so excited! I just couldn't wait to see and I didn't really have any expectations. So I go across town to meet the seller and she comes by with her Mercedes Benz and she is an elderly lady! Sweet! Now, this can't be fake is what I thought... The little old lady with her husband tells me that her sister had bought her the Chanel bag and that it had been sitting in her garage for over 15 years! Who leaves their Chanel's in a garage... Well, I was so happy because I knew it was the real deal! I even told her that I would take the dust bag, the big gigantic box, and everything included! I couldn't believe my eyes and the deal that I had just scored! She was an elderly lady so she did not know the value of her vintage Chanel bag! So... then I bought her home and the bag was in excellent to perfect condition. How much did I get it for? Let's just say from what I know how much it is worth now... over $2000 I got it for 1/6 of that price...
It was only years later that I realized that I had manifested that bag! I never gave it a deadline, I never thought that I would find it on craigslist, I never thought I would get such an amazing deal on it, I never thought I would not be able to afford it and I never thought it would be a local seller. Truthfully, the lady said that over 30 people tried to arrange a meeting with her and I was the second one. She said the first meet up cancelled 30 minutes prior to me so... how lucky am I?
Here is the original image that I fell in love with from blogger Tiffany at iam-stylish.blogspot.com. I envisioned having this bag for almost 6 months... before it came to me unexpectedly!
I will upload my Chanel another day when I get a chance to take a photo of it. My bag is slightly larger or is the larger version of this bag. Now, that I believe is using SPEC.
Scenario #2:
Well, two days ago... I had to look at my budget and it was getting tight. Haircut is something that became not a priority and I thought to myself... well I am not going to budget it now because I just need to spend that extra money on other things. So, I crossed it off of my list and I decided that when the time is right and when I have the extra money, I would get a haircut.
Yesterday, I went to a women's networking event to volunteer. It was great! I was myself and I had fun networking and my friend came along to be a part of the event. I knew there were several door prizes and I was not going to put my business card in the draw but one of the event organizers said 'why not?' because I was a volunteer. So, guess what? My card got chosen and it was for a free haircut! I did not even know there was a prize for a haircut. So, now I have an opportunity to get a free haircut! What perfect timing... sometimes when you let it go... it just some how works.
So that is why I decided to update this post because I need to have a little bit more faith on the other things that I want to manifest in my life. I know this is applicable to anyone and I too sometimes tend to believe that things aren't working out... but they are. You have to keep the vision and make it real in your mind. Almost like be obsessed over it but never expecting it to come to you in any one way!
How do I replicate this and make it work every time? Well, Helen Hadsell sure figured it out! I write about this to remind myself that I do have the power to manifest things that I want in my life. :)
Feel it. Use the five senses.
Think about it daily. Doesn't need to be long. Just the feeling and joy that it brings.
Believe you have it or will have it.
Do not expect it to come to you in one way.
Let it go. If it doesn't come then it's just not the right time yet. But it is still coming.
Do not worry or else you cancel and contradict the energy.
Above all... be patient and have faith!
Okay, I have to remind myself these ideas...
Anyone else want to add or elaborate or share their experiences with manifestations?
Sunday 7 July 2013
Is there any other tool beside your imagination, to create reality?
B: You will create your reality with your beliefs, your emotions
and your thoughts. Those are the three cornerstones that allow you
to be the prism, the artificial personality construct prism, through
which the white light of your overall homogenous consciousness is
focused and broken down into the spectrum of the diversity within
your physical reality. So, playing with your beliefs, your emotions,
your thoughts -- each and every one of these affects and changes the
reality you experience.
to be the prism, the artificial personality construct prism, through
which the white light of your overall homogenous consciousness is
focused and broken down into the spectrum of the diversity within
your physical reality. So, playing with your beliefs, your emotions,
your thoughts -- each and every one of these affects and changes the
reality you experience.
Have a good time with your tools. Keep them sharp. Only if they are
sharp -- which means honest self-examination -- will they then be
able to cut the most quickly the raw material out of which you
create your physical reality.
sharp -- which means honest self-examination -- will they then be
able to cut the most quickly the raw material out of which you
create your physical reality.
Integrity keeps them sharp. Openness, honesty. Facing yourself and
knowing that everything you can discover is a part of you in a
loving way, and deserves to be a part of you. And that you deserve
ecstasy; it is your birthright. Desire it, and you will create it.
Trust. Trust. Trust. Everything in your physical reality can be used
as a reflection, as a tool. But your imagination, your beliefs, your
desires, emotions, and your thoughts -- they have created those
tools. Work with them and you will manifest whatever you wish.
knowing that everything you can discover is a part of you in a
loving way, and deserves to be a part of you. And that you deserve
ecstasy; it is your birthright. Desire it, and you will create it.
Trust. Trust. Trust. Everything in your physical reality can be used
as a reflection, as a tool. But your imagination, your beliefs, your
desires, emotions, and your thoughts -- they have created those
tools. Work with them and you will manifest whatever you wish.
Bashar: How to change beliefs!
Your emotions are the key.
When you feel an “idea” you don’t prefer (like fear, self doubt, sorrow, sadness, etc.) the first thing is not to ignore or suppress it, but to feel it fully. Own it.
“Because you cannot change what you do not own.” (Love that!)
So just recognize, acknowledge, and own it.
Then ask yourself this question:
“What would I have to believe is true about my relationship to this situation in order to feel this way; to react like this?”
Your higher mind will help you find the beliefs that are generating that emotional experience.
Next, as soon as you identify the belief, it is gone.
“Because any belief, any definition that you consciously identify, that is out of alignment with your true self, when you identify it will automatically appear illogical and nonsensical. It won’t make sense. That’s how you know it’s out of alignment with your true self.”
So as soon as you identify the belief that’s out of alignment, it will automatically appear illogical to hold on to it, and in that second you will no longer have it.
Identification IS release!
- See more at: http://goodvibeblog.com/bashar-how-to-change-beliefs/#sthash.Fl4RgPAr.dpuf
Bashar's Reading Material & My Own Ramblings... :)
I haven't kept up with my 100 days of blogging!
That's okay... not going to be hard on myself and just going to live in the moment of it all.
Anyways, I came across Bashar's Reading Material last night and it is full of wonderful perspectives! Over 1000 pages... holy moly!
Here is the link: http://worldtracker.org/media/library/Metaphysics%20&%20Spirituality/BASHAR%20(reading%20material).pdf
I am very thankful that someone or a group of people have took the time to type this all up. I vibrate with what Bashar has to say and he really keeps it simple for me because I have a tendency to complicate things. I am thankful for the people who openly ask questions without hesitation or fear! I have been wanting to go to a Bashar event for over a year right now but due to financial means is the reason why I have not been able to attend but then I always think that we're connected simultaneously so I shouldn't feel left out just because I'm not physically there.
I'm going through an interesting process right now or situation. I have come along in many ways of finding my self-worth and loving myself more. It's still a process for me and it's important for me to really just not get so caught up in all the drama or emotions or illusions of what's truly going on. My current things that I am going through is sharing myself with the community or the world. I have been quite a recluse for the last couple of months and I have noticed that my personality has switched focus drastically in the last couple of years.
I went from a sociable, outgoing, and lots of friends type of girl where many people looked up to (or at least what they told me) to a an introverted, inward person who likes to keep to herself.
I mean, if that isn't a big shift in perspective then what is?
And through this process I have let go a lot of friends and lost a lot of friends... or at least in my mind they are no longer around and I seem to have let go of the possibilities of how to form lasting intimate friendships... I mean people or friends from time to time do meet up with me and we will have deep talks but that's about it...
It's not that I don't have any successful relationships... I do have a loving relationship with my boyfriend and he sure keeps me down here on earth and reality but ya... I have grown more comfortable being in solitude... Aha! Almost like a monk I would think. No distractions and that is how I like it.
I have gotten to the point where I just see through all types and sorts of drama... well sometimes I get caught up in it when it is my own personal dramas but I just see through them and I use to be the type of person who would absorb everything and try to help others fix their problems but never talk about my own or share my own struggles...
Well, I have learned that I am more at peace when I have solitude and I am comfortable being on my own and being alone. However, I also feel that because this reality is based a lot on forming relationships with others, I have stepped away from it perhaps a bit too much?
So now I have to learn how to forgive myself that I could not be a better friend for everyone and that I deliberately took time out to take care of myself and that's okay.
I'm still human and it doesn't make me any better knowing about what's happening in the universe and beyond our reality... still have to go through the daily lives of earth.
I think I am afraid to share my true self because I'm really afraid of being judged. I know this and it is something that I am letting go of. Each time I let go a little bit more but a part of it is still there...
I have been told many many many many times that I am an awesome person but I see myself different from everyone else and I of course keep manifesting these experiences. I don't know why I try to fit in because I don't even know what I'm trying to fit into...
I think once I put myself first more, things will be fine... and here I am wanting to show others that they have the power within them to change and be the best they can be! Telling people ain't going to work... gotta be it and be an example of what they can be.
I overcame a lot of issues and I am damn proud of myself...
I just realized something... in the last couple of years I have just devoted a lot of time to remembering who I am and the true being that I am while many people are focused on their career and moving on in life... I just chose a different path and it is okay.
I guess I chose this path for my own personal development and I'm so thankful that I do remember... now it's just time for me to find a balance and that is to be happy with my self and to share my knowledge and passion with people who want to be friends with me.
I don't like to stand out yet I want to blossom into someone who can help and inspire others... haha I contradict myself lots that's for sure.
Anyways, enough talking so I hope you check out the link above because it is eye opening.
:) Have a beautiful day!
PS. Someone recently told me they felt sorry that I had to go through depression and that it must have sucked for me. They used my depression as the reason why I have changed and why I am what I am now...
WOW... out of all people. Well, needless to say, this person is no longer in my life at the moment. I have decided that I no longer need to prove myself to other people so that they can change their point of view of me. Yes, I did go through depression and it was really hard. But, I came out learning from it that the best thing to do for oneself is to love oneself and I never knew that I had to love myself. It sucks to have people in your life who blame your 'mental issues' as the reasons why you can no longer be friends but hey, that's life! I don't need drama and I don't need people holding a grudge on me just because I had decided to take time off to take care of myself. I don't owe them an excuse or a reason anymore! I'm done. I know it's a reflection of my own being and it's telling me that at some level I must be agreeing with her. Well, I don't. I don't believe anymore that having depression sucked. It might of made me more recluse and distant but that is because I had to sort through the different energies that were going on in my life...
It sucks but maybe we can be friends one day... but for now for those who have not gone through depression... you are no help by judging it as being 'sucky' and feeling 'sorry'... really? Don't feel sorry... please don't. I mean I know it's my fault that I didn't share my initial depression at the beginning and that was because I didn't want people to bug me about it. It was a sensitive issue for me at that time because I didn't want to be 'labeled' which is another theme in my life story. But anyways, I guess I just always thought my 'friend' was understanding and I know due to her life experience is the reason why she made those conclusions but still.. it hurts. It hurts to hear that someone had to make special arrangements just so that we can be friends. What kind of BS is that? Well, I suggested that we work it out and talk about it but never heard back from them. Oh well, I wish them well on their journey and that is all. As much as this pssts me off and makes me mad that a friendship could be lost over who I am... it made me realize that we are different people and that's why she probably felt she had to make special arrangements for us to be friends. How strange is that? I guess we just have different values and she expected me to be a certain way. Anyways, I am annoyed by it and I am going to let it go. Just processing it all... it hurts but it just made me realize that it's okay to not have everyone like you or be in the same frequency as you. It's okay. I'm still going to send out love to the world because I have love for all people. What you put out is what you get back... And I have to admit... I have changed and that's just the nature of it all. Life is ever changing and people change. To take this positively I do admire that she told me what she felt and for that I will learn from her to always be upfront with what you're feeling even if you're not communicating it perfectly. No one is perfect and I forgive her. I don't know if she will forgive me as that's really not my responsibility because she's always been the type to hold grudges... oh well... I am no longer going to extend myself out there just to prove to people that I need to be this or that so that they can accept who I am. Ha! That's just what I am saying...and I have no time for drama. If you can't let go and move on from making mistakes then that's your issue and not mine. I am not perfect and I am always learning... so I am learning that this relationship was just not meant to be. Who knows... life is ever changing and I am open to whatever happens in the future!
Update!
I wonder why now that is why I had nun energy and a sisterly/girly energy around me during my intuitive reading... Obviously I am needing more girly times and I just realized that I am borrowing a thought that does not belong to me... *wow* and I am consciously aware that the thought does not belong to me because I read about it somewhere else... I just thought about my girlfriends abandoning me but that's not true! Man, the mind can really trick you into thinking false premises... so anyways! I am just needing girlfriends I guess and people who are inspiring, positive, and uplifting! I wish to meet and surround myself with people who can help me grow easily and who are loving because that is who I feel that I am in essence...
That's okay... not going to be hard on myself and just going to live in the moment of it all.
Anyways, I came across Bashar's Reading Material last night and it is full of wonderful perspectives! Over 1000 pages... holy moly!
Here is the link: http://worldtracker.org/media/library/Metaphysics%20&%20Spirituality/BASHAR%20(reading%20material).pdf
I am very thankful that someone or a group of people have took the time to type this all up. I vibrate with what Bashar has to say and he really keeps it simple for me because I have a tendency to complicate things. I am thankful for the people who openly ask questions without hesitation or fear! I have been wanting to go to a Bashar event for over a year right now but due to financial means is the reason why I have not been able to attend but then I always think that we're connected simultaneously so I shouldn't feel left out just because I'm not physically there.
I'm going through an interesting process right now or situation. I have come along in many ways of finding my self-worth and loving myself more. It's still a process for me and it's important for me to really just not get so caught up in all the drama or emotions or illusions of what's truly going on. My current things that I am going through is sharing myself with the community or the world. I have been quite a recluse for the last couple of months and I have noticed that my personality has switched focus drastically in the last couple of years.
I went from a sociable, outgoing, and lots of friends type of girl where many people looked up to (or at least what they told me) to a an introverted, inward person who likes to keep to herself.
I mean, if that isn't a big shift in perspective then what is?
And through this process I have let go a lot of friends and lost a lot of friends... or at least in my mind they are no longer around and I seem to have let go of the possibilities of how to form lasting intimate friendships... I mean people or friends from time to time do meet up with me and we will have deep talks but that's about it...
It's not that I don't have any successful relationships... I do have a loving relationship with my boyfriend and he sure keeps me down here on earth and reality but ya... I have grown more comfortable being in solitude... Aha! Almost like a monk I would think. No distractions and that is how I like it.
I have gotten to the point where I just see through all types and sorts of drama... well sometimes I get caught up in it when it is my own personal dramas but I just see through them and I use to be the type of person who would absorb everything and try to help others fix their problems but never talk about my own or share my own struggles...
Well, I have learned that I am more at peace when I have solitude and I am comfortable being on my own and being alone. However, I also feel that because this reality is based a lot on forming relationships with others, I have stepped away from it perhaps a bit too much?
So now I have to learn how to forgive myself that I could not be a better friend for everyone and that I deliberately took time out to take care of myself and that's okay.
I'm still human and it doesn't make me any better knowing about what's happening in the universe and beyond our reality... still have to go through the daily lives of earth.
I think I am afraid to share my true self because I'm really afraid of being judged. I know this and it is something that I am letting go of. Each time I let go a little bit more but a part of it is still there...
I have been told many many many many times that I am an awesome person but I see myself different from everyone else and I of course keep manifesting these experiences. I don't know why I try to fit in because I don't even know what I'm trying to fit into...
I think once I put myself first more, things will be fine... and here I am wanting to show others that they have the power within them to change and be the best they can be! Telling people ain't going to work... gotta be it and be an example of what they can be.
I overcame a lot of issues and I am damn proud of myself...
I just realized something... in the last couple of years I have just devoted a lot of time to remembering who I am and the true being that I am while many people are focused on their career and moving on in life... I just chose a different path and it is okay.
I guess I chose this path for my own personal development and I'm so thankful that I do remember... now it's just time for me to find a balance and that is to be happy with my self and to share my knowledge and passion with people who want to be friends with me.
I don't like to stand out yet I want to blossom into someone who can help and inspire others... haha I contradict myself lots that's for sure.
Anyways, enough talking so I hope you check out the link above because it is eye opening.
:) Have a beautiful day!
PS. Someone recently told me they felt sorry that I had to go through depression and that it must have sucked for me. They used my depression as the reason why I have changed and why I am what I am now...
WOW... out of all people. Well, needless to say, this person is no longer in my life at the moment. I have decided that I no longer need to prove myself to other people so that they can change their point of view of me. Yes, I did go through depression and it was really hard. But, I came out learning from it that the best thing to do for oneself is to love oneself and I never knew that I had to love myself. It sucks to have people in your life who blame your 'mental issues' as the reasons why you can no longer be friends but hey, that's life! I don't need drama and I don't need people holding a grudge on me just because I had decided to take time off to take care of myself. I don't owe them an excuse or a reason anymore! I'm done. I know it's a reflection of my own being and it's telling me that at some level I must be agreeing with her. Well, I don't. I don't believe anymore that having depression sucked. It might of made me more recluse and distant but that is because I had to sort through the different energies that were going on in my life...
It sucks but maybe we can be friends one day... but for now for those who have not gone through depression... you are no help by judging it as being 'sucky' and feeling 'sorry'... really? Don't feel sorry... please don't. I mean I know it's my fault that I didn't share my initial depression at the beginning and that was because I didn't want people to bug me about it. It was a sensitive issue for me at that time because I didn't want to be 'labeled' which is another theme in my life story. But anyways, I guess I just always thought my 'friend' was understanding and I know due to her life experience is the reason why she made those conclusions but still.. it hurts. It hurts to hear that someone had to make special arrangements just so that we can be friends. What kind of BS is that? Well, I suggested that we work it out and talk about it but never heard back from them. Oh well, I wish them well on their journey and that is all. As much as this pssts me off and makes me mad that a friendship could be lost over who I am... it made me realize that we are different people and that's why she probably felt she had to make special arrangements for us to be friends. How strange is that? I guess we just have different values and she expected me to be a certain way. Anyways, I am annoyed by it and I am going to let it go. Just processing it all... it hurts but it just made me realize that it's okay to not have everyone like you or be in the same frequency as you. It's okay. I'm still going to send out love to the world because I have love for all people. What you put out is what you get back... And I have to admit... I have changed and that's just the nature of it all. Life is ever changing and people change. To take this positively I do admire that she told me what she felt and for that I will learn from her to always be upfront with what you're feeling even if you're not communicating it perfectly. No one is perfect and I forgive her. I don't know if she will forgive me as that's really not my responsibility because she's always been the type to hold grudges... oh well... I am no longer going to extend myself out there just to prove to people that I need to be this or that so that they can accept who I am. Ha! That's just what I am saying...and I have no time for drama. If you can't let go and move on from making mistakes then that's your issue and not mine. I am not perfect and I am always learning... so I am learning that this relationship was just not meant to be. Who knows... life is ever changing and I am open to whatever happens in the future!
Update!
I wonder why now that is why I had nun energy and a sisterly/girly energy around me during my intuitive reading... Obviously I am needing more girly times and I just realized that I am borrowing a thought that does not belong to me... *wow* and I am consciously aware that the thought does not belong to me because I read about it somewhere else... I just thought about my girlfriends abandoning me but that's not true! Man, the mind can really trick you into thinking false premises... so anyways! I am just needing girlfriends I guess and people who are inspiring, positive, and uplifting! I wish to meet and surround myself with people who can help me grow easily and who are loving because that is who I feel that I am in essence...
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