How I finally let go of depression? (Part 1)

It really came down to an amalgamation of several perspectives:

1. Inquiry process - How do I heal depression or turn it into a positive thing? Why was it happening to me? What does depression truly mean? What do I believe it can benefit me on this Earth journey? What can I learn from it?

A slew of these questions and more... which became the burning and fuelling desire for me to get better. From these questions, I started to analyze and investigate what I was learning from others. I read books, I was taking a psychology course on disorders, I slept, I cried, I did a lot of thinking, and well I was open to any kind or form of interpretation other than the need to take medication or to see a counsellor as a form of healing. I just didn't believe that was the way to heal my depression. I felt like it was a mask just covering up another mask... Like, there's something truly deeper about this. I'm a psychology major so I know that there's more to than just talking about it and taking drugs. I did not want to be controlled by drugs. Disclaimer: This does not mean that people should not take drugs. Do it if you feel that it will benefit you. If you don't believe it will, then your beliefs will overrule your outcomes. I did not believe in it and also I wanted to know that I have control over my own reality. I wanted to be unconventional... I guess you can say that is always a theme in my life... to do things differently than everyone else! I was passionate about self-improvement. I think that desire to learn more about depression and to seek different perspectives really spiraled me to different places and views of depression.

2. Inner Knowing - I had an inner feeling that this journey was going to be temporary as I kept thinking that this knowledge and experience would help me with my counselling practices... that I would be better at assisting my clients and students. I knew that learning more about myself would benefit myself and others in the long run. I kept holding those beliefs in my mind which kept me going each day that I was depressed. I kept thinking that I had a greater purpose in life. I kept reaffirming that this is just a part of the journey and not a part of the problem. I was positive about the outcome of my state of mind even though I can really say that I was solidly depressed with spouts of happiness for a good solid year. I would be happy in front of others and depressed when I got home. I was not being my true self.

3. Youtube - I did not consult anyone while I went through depression at the beginning. I was momentarily missing in action and that was when I began isolating myself. I realized I was depressed because I was taking a psychology course at that time and I met many or more of the symptoms which included intense crying, panic attacks, physical pains, sleep, sad thoughts, over sensitivity, and etc... I avoided going to family events, friends parties, and hanging out. I told no one what was going on and generally lost a lot of friends due to my inability to express myself. It's really not my fault... I realized that all my life it was hard for me to express emotions. I was always the one who helped others and listened to all their problems... No one ever knew and not even myself that I would be the one who would later on become depressed in my early 20's as an adult. Anyways, I will have to say that youtube really saved my life... If it were not for the countless number of generous people who put up the videos that I watched and listened to (which gave me a different perspective on life!)... I would not of been able to get out of that depressed state of mind. I always looked at what the 'Recommended' section had for me... I always felt that I was getting a message or learning something new about myself. One day I will share you which clips really helped you... if you guys are interested then I'll post sooner.

4. Highschool Best Friend - To this day, I still haven't told one of my high school best friends that she was the one who really initiated my journey into healing. For some reason, I always remember what she tells me... and what she tweeted on Twitter (not directly to me) really intrigued me and changed my life. I've told her that she has helped me change my life but I never met up with her to officially tell her that. I guess I have isolated myself from her because I felt different from her... She is amazing, smart, successful, and hardworking... someone I really admire. Before I felt like she was too good of a friend now to me... but I hope to reconnect with her one day and rekindle our friendship. She really means a lot to me. I have not been exploring the topic of friendship for awhile so I lost quite a lot of friends... that is going to be another learning experience for me... to relearn how to make and keep friends.

5. Spiritual Guide/Friends/Angel Beings/UFO(Bashar): When I was really lonely and crying all the time... I would get visits from my spiritual friends. I never knew about them and actually went to my eye doctor several time to get my vision checked. I kept thinking that I must of had a tear in my eye but they reassured that I did not. I realized they were really just trying to comfort me... I can still imagine my old self sitting in my bedroom crying and crying... asking for when the day will come when I stopped being so sad and then suddenly a light would flicker by my vision and then it would do it again! At those moments, I would suddenly go... OMG! What is that? and they would distract me from my sadness... I am so thankful for that. I mean it's tiring being depressed and I know they wanted to uplift me and keep my head up high. Then learning about angels through an angel encounter and learning about Bashar through youtube really made me think different about life... Bashar said the main reason why there is depression or people become depressed is because they don't love and value themselves. That is plain and simply the root of the problem. I had to listen to that clip a few times before I could understand. I wish I could thank the person who uploaded that clip as I don't remember who it was now... and I hope it is still up on youtube. It was a shift in perspectives and I just never knew... I was always so hard on my self to be that perfect friend and girlfriend... always to help others but never to value or appreciate myself. Even when I did well I never celebrated my successes... even my high school friend was the first one who told me that. She's very intuitive I just realized and gifted in helping others... but back then I did not know why.

6. Awakening - Finally, after a lot of asking and praying for help about my depression in my mind... I awoke one day with a complete sense of relief. All the sadness disappeared for 6 months (before it came back again - due to schoolwork) and I was in a complete state of gratitude and appreciation for life. I later went to see an angel intuitive/life coach and she told me it was my spirit guides and angels who had helped me out and helped me release a lot of my guilts, hates, negativity, and etc... It was like I woke up from a nightmare... although it was real. It's hard to describe. But it was something like what Jim Carey described... just like an alterate shift or transformation. According to Bashar, it would be a shift in reality. I literally shifted to a different perspective and I was able to let go of all the pain I went through. I even was open to hanging out with friends again and rekindled friendships.  Well, my depression state did come back but that awakening was like almost my first wow moment... like I finally did it! So when it came back.. I was severely devastated. Darn, still more learning to do was what I was thinking... Haha...

There's a few more other things but that's like the tip of it... I mean to think that I went through depression on my own is true in one sense because now I know I create my own reality so and really it was all in my head... head full of emotions so I know that only I know to the full extent to how serious it was... but really I got out because I was curious and I wanted to get better and learn another way to help me with my depression. I was open minded and I wanted to learn more about myself... and I also realized along the way that I was not alone in this process. While at the moment, my experience might not benefit others on Earth, I know the spiritual beings benefitted as they are also watching and able to learn from me. I know I was supported along the way and because I was always hopeful... I knew that I had other choices. Just which ones and which ones resonated with me the most? My main struggle was... how can a positive person such as I become depressed? Like I was the quintessential go to friend, down to earth, positive, bubbly, happy, full of potential, and everything...although super duper stressed and extremely hard on myself... then one day I become severely depressed, lost friends, and isolated myself almost to everyone. It's hard to describe but just to let everyone know that there is hope! The main point of it all is to integrate it into your life. To realize that depression is now a part of you... it is an experience that you went through and if you continue to explore it then do so but if you don't want to then you will do whatever it takes to get out of it... whether you take it positively as what I did... through internal investigations and finding your true self or through other means such as hurting yourself and/or others... It's all a choice! If you feel like you don't have a choice, then that's the choice that you are making -- that you don't have a choice.

So hopefully this little snippet can help someone out there... I know how it feels to be severely depressed. I feel it from time to time but not I have strategies to get out of it... I first let it come and feel it out, then I don't judge myself for having those feelings, and then I let it go.. and do something else. If you keep fighting it, then you will generate more of it because if you pushing a part of yourself a way and that is not a way to truly love yourself! You must love the being that you are regardless if you are perfect or not, sad or happy, or whatever it is... Also, stop reading depressing stuff! No, I'm being serious. When I was depressed, I got so caught up with earthquakes and gang cartels on CNN and everything that I worried myself to sleep and made myself feel even more powerless. I mean, if that's what you want to experience then go for it but start to be conscious of what you feed into your mind. Don't take everything in just because someone said it... heck don't even believe what I have to say. I'm just sharing my perspective and what worked for me. I only want to share because I know had it not been for people sharing their experiences on the internet and making videos... then I would not of gained another perspective!