Update!

Hello :)

It's been awhile but I thought I would come by to do an update!

It's been a really intriguing journey... learning how to integrate all that I have learned and remembered about myself, the world, and reality.

I have somewhat isolated myself a bit from friends in the last while before September and I am easing my way back to being around friends. From someone who use to be popular, to going through depression or a life altering moment, to isolating myself, and to now to easing myself back into 'society' is quite a transition. I am learning to find my own stance and voice!

Before I would try to please others and although some of those beliefs sometimes do permeate through my actions and emotions, I am able to work around them and consciously recognize when this happens. It is odd easing myself back into the world because I just really do think differently now.

I will not lose myself in this process... in fact I have learned to adjust my energy and beliefs to whoever I am interacting with in order to help them with their journey here on life. Although I am a human on earth, I really feel like more of an observer nowadays which I feel loses it's momentum and passion in a way to better human life. I don't really know what I am trying to say but... it always seems like those who suffer are the ones who make the bigger changes in this world.

I have suffered quite a bit and I am figuring out how to make a difference in this world in a bigger way. I feel like I have so much to offer... yet I am not putting myself out there. A part of me is still afraid of... of speaking my voice, following my highest excitement, and leaving things behind. I realized at this moment that I am embodying the belief of only one but not the other... well why not both? Interesting...

A part of me is still holds myself back because I am easily sensitive to everything and everyone. It's like I absorb other people's issues and then I take them personally as if it was my own fight. I know in a sense that that is a way of helping but it takes me longer to filter through which thoughts are mine and which are theirs.

All I want for people in this world to know is that they are loved. They have choices and they create their reality because the reality comes from what we think and believe in our minds. The outside is just a reflection of our thoughts and beliefs and that is how law of attraction works. It brings to you what you keep pondering, inquiring, fearing, and wishing for... Also, I want everyone to know and especially children to know that they don't need to hurt anyone in order to be themselves and have what they want. Everyone can access this... everyone can create their reality. Can you just imagine? Limitations are of the pass. Believe and you will achieve. If anyone says no, then you have at that moment a choice to either accept their beliefs or keep going. In truth, we are really just learning more about ourselves... that's all.

I had a friend recently who confronted me on my inactions to continue the friendship. It's true. I have been unproductive and basically running away because I have deep issues... I finally realized what the main issues were that were holding me back from hanging out with friends... Money. And yes, I am judging myself a bit... it is sad.. but I have allowed money to hold myself back from meeting with friends. I realized a lot of my problems would be fixed if I would just get myself working more and on a full time basis. That is what I will do because I have to take the small steps...

Isolation is great... but I have to remember to not get stuck in that state. I am never going to know anything and everything. I have a big purpose and I am waiting for it to appear... which is never the right way to approach it. It will happen when it needs to happen.

All in all I am good. I find that I am sleeping a bit more again to conserve energy I guess but I have been working out at least 5 days a week! That is a start and not eating any carbs. I don't feel stuck anymore as I did awhile ago... I just feel like I need to pick one thing out of my list of things to do and go for it. Stop holding back and fearing what others will think and what I may lose if I decide to follow my passions...

Keep it simple.

Go for it.

My higher mind always say the simple things... while my complicated personality maybe mainly the ego will go on and on and on... so keep in mind to think simply and things will work out.

I was reminded yesterday that I am manifester. Two days ago I was talking to my mom and I was very intrigued by the idea of learning how to fix a flat tire. I was thinking... what happens if I get a flat tire one day? surely I'll need to learn how to do that so that I don't get stuck and my mom agreed. And I remember saying to myself... well when the right opportunity comes I will learn how to fix a broken / flat tire.

Okay, so last night while leaving my boyfriends house, the second I drove off for maybe about a block and a half... a nail ran through my tire and my tire completely flattened! I could not believe it! Luckily it was at 11pm and there were not many cars around and I was able to safely pull over to the side. Who leaves nails on the street??? I was so shocked... and up to that point my mind was pretty blank last night. I had a great evening and I was thinking in my mind... well now what shall I be doing? Like I was in the moment...thinking nothing and this happens!

Of course, my desire to learn how to fix a tire came true! My boyfriend drove over and taught me how to change the flat tire and everything. I was lucky that he was available because he was about to head out soon too!

I only realized that I had manifested this opportunity when I got home and was reflecting that night! I completely understand now how no resistance will bring about what you desire. I had no resistance to that experience and so it came quickly! Anyways, I always make things that seem negative to a positive outcome so I would say I now know how to change a tire!

This has happened to me quite a few times... like the time when a woodpecker came by to visit when I had a desire to meet one. Mind you, woodpeckers do not live in the city near where I live so I have no idea how it even got to my window... Then I had a desire to find a four leaf clover and the first time it came to me through a voice.... and the second time this summer it literally appeared the second I said I wanted to find one! Another time... the plums out side my plum tree had these gorgeous yellow and ripe plums hanging on the top part of the tree where we could not reach to get .. and they had been siting there for about 3 weeks. I made a note to my mom that surely the birds should come by and eat them but they never did. An hour later, my mom said a group of 20 little birds came by and ate all the plums. It was like they heard my calling or something and they just came! I mean tose plums had been sitting there ripe for like 3 weeks already!!! It's those little things and others that make you go... what da... I mean sure it could be a coincidence but really it is my own creation. I mean, I wanted to see something and then it happens because I had no resistance in it coming.

Now having said that, sometimes I get anxious because if I see myself judging something or making a remark such as well... that will never happen to me or I hope it never happens to me then I have to watch my mouth... because anything can happen! It is best for me to just not put any thought to it and let it be others reality if I don't want it in mine. Obviously I cannot clean up every single thought that I had thought of in this lifetime but now that I am much more aware of what I am able to manifest... I have to also becareful of what I don't want to manifest and to forgive others and even if I dont' agree with what others are saying... I either speak up or I nod and say I am thankful for the knowledge of this experience and for the perspective that it has provided to me.

When you know you are a creator, you are self-empowered. Yet, because I am still human, I sometimes test my boundaries. Haha... I don't know why but somehow I am always disempowering and self-empowering myself... it's like I'm testing it all out to see what works or not. I know my higher self is probably like... c'mom let's get going...

Anyways, that's all the babbling for now. It is what or what was on my moment as I kept typing. Life is magical and I know everything that I want will eventually come true! I just know it in my heart. I just want to let others know that they are also loved. :) Reflect love onto yourself and love will reflect back to you!