Hello!

I feel like I have been doing bi-yearly updates! Why, hello again! Saying the word hello reminds me of Adele's current top song 'Song'. I just love the timbre of her voice... it's emotional, powerful, yet understating. I just love the 'Hello' part.

It's been awhile and I just had the spur of the moment thought to update on this blog.

Life has been interesting. I have sprung forward into following my passions and it's been a lot of fun and a lot of work when you're your own boss. Besides this and when I have downtime, my thoughts do tend to form and ponder about a few things...

Some of the interesting thoughts I have are...

"Why am I doing this?" - Do I need a reason such as passion in my story?
"Why do I have to do this?"- Could I just not sleep all day?
"Why work so hard?" - Do I need to do something to prove that I am capable or responsible in this world?
"Why don't I just follow the crowd and get a regular job?" - Life could be mundane but at least you get weekends off...
"What am I doing here?" - I am my body and I have my mind. But what is my existence here at this time?

It's interesting because... I have asked these questions when I was depressed too. Now, I am coming from a perspective of not being depressed so I find this interesting too.

Bashar talks about following your passion and then if it's not exciting then move on to the next. I find that this is very exhilarating but when you follow your passion you must also share this passion with others to keep the moment going and connect with others who feel the same.

I guess... lately sometimes I feel just numb in the world. I do see so much going on but I remind myself that I am the only me here at this time and how can I make my time here worthwhile. How can I live my life fully? Then I came to realize recently that I still have a fear...and while I have recognized it too, I still seem to be choosing it as part of my life story. I intend to let it go soon but there's something there that is intriguing too. I ask myself... why am I afraid that I won't be able to make it alone? I know I am not physically alone but I mean in the earnest of things like having my own home and owning my own things. For some reason, I have a fear of not being able to support myself. Yet, I go out there and start my own business to support myself too. It's very ironic and it contradicting. I know I have so much support and perhaps this is an issue to do with money. I think a part of me wants more money yet a part of me relies on myself too much to make the money. I am curious to make more money not because I am money hungry but because I think it's something that I genuinely am a bit afraid of. Money is just energy and I know I can attract. I am easily amazed by how some people attract this type of abundance in their life. I know I can attract it but I'm not sure where my fear is... perhaps is it because I have never once had a full time job in my life? Yes, it seems weird because in society to not have a full time job is like... what are you doing? But at the same time... I am surviving. I don't want to wish upon myself disaster in order for me to grow... I get that there are different realities that I can choose and I am not interested in those life altering moments. I know I can let go of this fear...

But in the midst of all this, I am busy and having fun! I also realized that I have stopped relying on listening to anything... I know it's so weird. Maybe I am applying all that I have learned now... but I find myself not needing all the information. Yes, once in awhile I do but I don't rely on it. I just go on with my day and live in the moment. Which also worries me because I sometimes feel like I am not connected. For instance, I don't get any more visions. I don't see or feel anything. In fact, I just feel like I am alone. This is not a negative feeling or a depressing feeling. I just feel still and for someone who thinks and rambles a lot... this empty space is interesting. I am also thankful that I am forgetful which makes emotional experiences less toxicating.

Has anyone gone to this state? I question this because I have created my own reality. I constantly say, "No, thank you" or "thank you" to many circumstances aloud. For someone who relies so much on outer acknowledgement, I somehow now feel like man... I have to acknowledge myself. I mean I'm sure my guardian angels and so forth spiritual mentors are around but I don't sense or feel anyone. I'm not going to lie...it makes me feel a little sad. Hence, I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing... I really hope so. I just want to be the best me!

I have now even openly allowed myself to open my third eye. But I don't see anything..or I have created such a strong reality that I just filter through all that. I just want to say 'Hello' and tell all my guides that I miss you and I hope you're doing well. I am doing okay but it would be nice to reconnect some day. I know with my clearer mind that I am very focused... I just hope I am living the best life that I can. I just want to help and be the best version I can for the world. I want to be living proof of what my dreams and beliefs are. I don't want to die a hero but to live a life that was fulfilling. I cherish so many things... because I don't know if I'll be back on Earth the next time around. Well, actually I have decided not to return. But I'm sure in parallel realities I'll still be around. Until then, I really cherish all human beings, animals, plants, and everything. I just cherish these special memories because everything is just a blink away.

In case I do become really wealthy one day, I just want to say that I take it as a humbling experience to further my gifts and other's gifts. I intend to use it to benefit society in the most positive way and to create opportunities and experiences that uplift humanity and all beings. I am very strong minded and heart minded and I am not easily manipulated. This is because I choose not to be and I know I cannot help or save everyone. But everyone deserves a chance...good or bad we are all here to learn and grow. I am sending a message to my future self...to remember that I did manifest it and it is now my responsibility to use it well and to share this knowledge that they too can create for themselves. I'm sorry if I am not able to help all that asks...but know that your asking means that you want a better life for yourself and therefore your asking will lead to many more solutions to your challenges. I have utmost respect for those who are not afraid to ask for help and I forgive all who may not think it is fair. If we vibe on the same level, I'm more than willing to help. If we can work together to create a more loving world, then let's connect. Remember, it is my choice and you too have choices. Love, peace, and compassion to all who are kind, caring, and graceful.

I hope you are all living your life and even if it's tough...stay positive. Everyone is unique and special. I wish you all well. :)

XoXo