Breathes...

A colleague of mind today suggested that I read up about Joe Dispenza. I have only heard of him maybe 1-2 times and that's from the HayHouse website but I don't know much about him.

I sense my colleague is wanting to help me overcome my thinking and thoughts. She wants me to find the job that I am meant to have. A part of me feels a bit defeated because now other people have to help me and they also know that my thoughts are not in alignment with what I want. I feel anxious that other people 'know.' Isn't that interesting? Now I know why when I first did my tarot card reading the other day that I got the word 'defeat.'

So I'm going to take a deep breath and instead of being stubborn about how I can handle and do this all on my own. I am going to give a go at what my colleague would like me to hear from Joe Dispenza. I know I am the creator of the universe and I have not admitted to my colleagues that in the beginning, I did not want the job. I just did not because there were a lot of other emotional things occurring in my reality and I created many scenarios to not go for it. I don't know why... and now of course I have to deal with the consequences of not following through my passions. I want it so bad now and I have to let go of a lot of my beliefs and feelings that have built up in the last couple of months. I believe teaching is my passion and so I guess it's surprising everyone how I am currently not teaching. Well, I am going to change this. I am on my way to physically manifesting a position. I just know it!

Today, I went to a truly inspiring workshop and I just love everything about it! I am truly thankful to have amazing colleagues who want me to grow and learn with them and take me under their wing. Maybe I have not been so honest with myself... perhaps I have been feeling a bit shy. Perhaps I have been feeling that I don't qualify. But all these feelings are fears... fears that I allowed myself to feel and thus manifest into frustration and disappointment. I will be accepting my degree in one week! I am very proud of myself and I should be. It's always been a struggle for me to acknowledge myself and love myself for accomplishing so much. But this time I will be because I did it for me.

Anyways, I feel like I'm jumping everywhere today but it's my blog so I can do whatever I want with it.  I'm going to check out Joe Dispenza and update on it tonight. I know I am a great manifestor because I have manifested so many things in life. I am letting go of my past. I am letting go of what I could of and should of done. I am not perfect but I am perfectly me. I am deserving of a teaching job because I know I will make a huge difference! :)

I just realized that I am 'insecure.' I am worried that everything is 'too late' because all the others have done it ahead of me or before me. *breathes* This is not serving me and I would like to let it go. I let it go. It's that self-sabotage again. But I will be nice to myself and not let myself get into the habit of picking on me. How can I have so much compassion for others yet do not have compassion for myself?  It doesn't make sense.