Bashar's Reading Material & My Own Ramblings... :)

I haven't kept up with my 100 days of blogging!

That's okay... not going to be hard on myself and just going to live in the moment of it all.

Anyways, I came across Bashar's Reading Material last night and it is full of wonderful perspectives! Over 1000 pages... holy moly!

Here is the link: http://worldtracker.org/media/library/Metaphysics%20&%20Spirituality/BASHAR%20(reading%20material).pdf

I am very thankful that someone or a group of people have took the time to type this all up. I vibrate with what Bashar has to say and he really keeps it simple for me because I have a tendency to complicate things. I am thankful for the people who openly ask questions without hesitation or fear! I have been wanting to go to a Bashar event for over a year right now but due to financial means is the reason why I have not been able to attend but then I always think that we're connected simultaneously so I shouldn't feel left out just because I'm not physically there.

I'm going through an interesting process right now or situation. I have come along in many ways of finding my self-worth and loving myself more. It's still a process for me and it's important for me to really just not get so caught up in all the drama or emotions or illusions of what's truly going on. My current things that I am going through is sharing myself with the community or the world. I have been quite a recluse for the last couple of months and I have noticed that my personality has switched focus drastically in the last couple of years.

I went from a sociable, outgoing, and lots of friends type of girl where many people looked up to (or at least what they told me) to a an introverted, inward person who likes to keep to herself.

I mean, if that isn't a big shift in perspective then what is?

And through this process I have let go a lot of friends and lost a lot of friends... or at least in my mind they are no longer around and I seem to have let go of the possibilities of how to form lasting intimate friendships... I mean people or friends from time to time do meet up with me and we will have deep talks but that's about it...

It's not that I don't have any successful relationships... I do have a loving relationship with my boyfriend and he sure keeps me down here on earth and reality but ya... I have grown more comfortable being in solitude... Aha! Almost like a monk I would think. No distractions and that is how I like it.

I have gotten to the point where I just see through all types and sorts of drama... well sometimes I get caught up in it when it is my own personal dramas but I just see through them and I use to be the type of person who would absorb everything and try to help others fix their problems but never talk about my own or share my own struggles...

Well, I have learned that I am more at peace when I have solitude and I am comfortable being on my own and being alone. However, I also feel that because this reality is based a lot on forming relationships with others, I have stepped away from it perhaps a bit too much?

So now I have to learn how to forgive myself that I could not be a better friend for everyone and that I deliberately took time out to take care of myself and that's okay.

I'm still human and it doesn't make me any better knowing about what's happening in the universe and beyond our reality... still have to go through the daily lives of earth.

I think I am afraid to share my true self because I'm really afraid of being judged. I know this and it is something that I am letting go of. Each time I let go a little bit more but a part of it is still there...

I have been told many many many many times that I am an awesome person but I see myself different from everyone else and I of course keep manifesting these experiences. I don't know why I try to fit in because I don't even know what I'm trying to fit into...

I think once I put myself first more, things will be fine... and here I am wanting to show others that they have the power within them to change and be the best they can be! Telling people ain't going to work... gotta be it and be an example of what they can be.

I overcame a lot of issues and I am damn proud of myself...

I just realized something... in the last couple of years I have just devoted a lot of time to remembering who I am and the true being that I am while many people are focused on their career and moving on in life... I just chose a different path and it is okay.

I guess I chose this path for my own personal development and I'm so thankful that I do remember... now it's just time for me to find a balance and that is to be happy with my self and to share my knowledge and passion with people who want to be friends with me.

I don't like to stand out yet I want to blossom into someone who can help and inspire others... haha I contradict myself lots that's for sure.

Anyways, enough talking so I hope you check out the link above because it is eye opening.

:) Have a beautiful day!

PS. Someone recently told me they felt sorry that I had to go through depression and that it must have sucked for me. They used my depression as the reason why I have changed and why I am what I am now...

WOW... out of all people. Well, needless to say, this person is no longer in my life at the moment. I have decided that I no longer need to prove myself to other people so that they can change their point of view of me. Yes, I did go through depression and it was really hard. But, I came out learning from it that the best thing to do for oneself is to love oneself and I never knew that I had to love myself. It sucks to have people in your life who blame your 'mental issues' as the reasons why you can no longer be friends but hey, that's life! I don't need drama and I don't need people holding a grudge on me just because I had decided to take time off to take care of myself. I don't owe them an excuse or a reason anymore! I'm done. I know it's a reflection of my own being and it's telling me that at some level I must be agreeing with her. Well, I don't. I don't believe anymore that having depression sucked. It might of made me more recluse and distant but that is because I had to sort through the different energies that were going on in my life...

It sucks but maybe we can be friends one day... but for now for those who have not gone through depression... you are no help by judging it as being 'sucky' and feeling 'sorry'... really? Don't feel sorry... please don't. I mean I know it's my fault that I didn't share my initial depression at the beginning and that was because I didn't want people to bug me about it. It was a sensitive issue for me at that time because I didn't want to be 'labeled' which is another theme in my life story. But anyways, I guess I just always thought my 'friend' was understanding and I know due to her life experience is the reason why she made those conclusions but still.. it hurts. It hurts to hear that someone had to make special arrangements just so that we can be friends. What kind of BS is that? Well, I suggested that we work it out and talk about it but never heard back from them. Oh well, I wish them well on their journey and that is all. As much as this pssts me off and makes me mad that a friendship could be lost over who I am... it made me realize that we are different people and that's why she probably felt she had to make special arrangements for us to be friends. How strange is that? I guess we just have different values and she expected me to be a certain way. Anyways, I am annoyed by it and I am going to let it go. Just processing it all... it hurts but it just made me realize that it's okay to not have everyone like you or be in the same frequency as you. It's okay. I'm still going to send out love to the world because I have love for all people. What you put out is what you get back... And I have to admit... I have changed and that's just the nature of it all. Life is ever changing and people change. To take this positively  I do admire that she told me what she felt and for that I will learn from her to always be upfront with what you're feeling even if you're not communicating it perfectly. No one is perfect and I forgive her. I don't know if she will forgive me as that's really not my responsibility because she's always been the type to hold grudges... oh well... I am no longer going to extend myself out there just to prove to people that I need to be this or that so that they can accept who I am. Ha! That's just what I am saying...and I have no time for drama. If you can't let go and move on from making mistakes then that's your issue and not mine. I am not perfect and I am always learning... so I am learning that this relationship was just not meant to be. Who knows... life is ever changing and I am open to whatever happens in the future!

Update!

I wonder why now that is why I had nun energy and a sisterly/girly energy around me during my intuitive reading... Obviously I am needing more girly times and I just realized that I am borrowing a thought that does not belong to me... *wow* and I am consciously aware that the thought does not belong to me because I read about it somewhere else... I just thought about my girlfriends abandoning me but that's not true! Man, the mind can really trick you into thinking false premises... so anyways! I am just needing girlfriends I guess and people who are inspiring, positive, and uplifting! I wish to meet and surround myself with people who can help me grow easily and who are loving because that is who I feel that I am in essence...